15 Insightful Ways To Save Your Daughter From A Bad Marriage
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I don’t want my children to follow in my footsteps…
I want them to take the path next to me and go further than I ever dreamt possible.
This quote perfectly describes the thoughts of a good parent towards their children. Not only are you right in trying to find out how to save your daughter from a bad marriage, but you are also fulfilling your responsibility as her parent.
Regardless of your good intentions, your daughter is a grown woman who has chosen to be in that marriage. If she doesn’t explicitly ask for your help in trying to get out of it, you could damage your relationship with her if you go about your mission wrong.
The first thing you need to do is to be sure that your daughter has a bad marriage. There’s her truth, her husband’s truth, your truth, and the actual truth. A bad marriage is only bad if the actual truth says that it is.
Knowing the actual truth can help you decide how to proceed in the best possible way. For instance, your daughter’s marriage might not be miserable even though she says it is. And when you help her to leave, she might end up regretting it in the future and blaming you for it.
Once you are sure her marriage is bad, that’s your cue to help your daughter out of the marriage.
Below we will discuss some signs of a bad marriage and ways you can help your daughter escape such a union if these signs support your suspicions of marital misery.
7 Ways to spot a bad marriage
Your daughter is being abused
There are three main types of abuse that a person can go through at the hands of their spouse, and they are physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. Neither of these three is seen in good marriages.
No one deserves to be abused in a marriage, especially your daughter. This makes abuse the biggest sign of a bad marriage and justifies efforts to dissolve that marriage.
If your daughter is facing domestic violence, this becomes a matter of law, so try to reach out to your nation’s domestic violence helpline as soon as possible. In the U.S., contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Daughter is being cheated on
Suppose your daughter has marriage problems relating to infidelity on her husband’s part. In that case, not many people can fault you for trying to get her out of her marriage.
You’ll be more justified if her husband is not only being unfaithful but is making little attempt to hide it. This can cause feelings of inadequacy in your daughter, which can be emotionally and mentally wrecking. To save your daughter from these feelings, you need to save her from her marriage.
There are financial issues
Financial issues are one of the top reasons why people get divorced, and so are a huge red flag in marriages.
If your daughter’s marriage is going through a rough patch financially because of her husband’s spending habits, she may need to leave the union. Especially if she is the primary breadwinner in the marriage and it’s her money that is being squandered.
Your daughter shouldn’t have to suffer for the irresponsibility of her husband. If leaving the marriage is the only way, then it’s an option she’ll have to consider.
Addiction issues with your daughter’s partner
We all have things that we are addicted to. Still, if your son-in-law’s addiction negatively affects your daughter’s marriage, maybe he shouldn’t continue to be your in-law.
It could be that he is addicted to substances like alcohol and drugs, or he could be a sucker for activities such as gambling.
Addiction can lead to financial issues in the marriage and also abuse. If your son-in-law has a troubling habit and refuses to work on it, it’s wise to find out how to save your daughter from her bad marriage.
Her partner is manipulative
A manipulative person is not someone your daughter should have as a spouse. Such people are the absolute worst because their goal is to wipe out any independent thought that their partners might have.
You’ll notice signs of manipulation in your daughter if she is being turned against her family and friends and becoming increasingly hostile towards you but docile towards her partner.
Manipulative partners often negatively take advantage of people, so you would be right to try to save your daughter from such a fate.
There is a lack of trust
Trust is the foundation of any marriage; if it goes, it is in serious trouble. Conflicts will arise over the most minor issues, and a lack of respect will be the order of the day for the spouses.
If you find that there is a lack of trust in your daughter’s marriage, experts recommend that you should advise the married couple to work on their issues first. Only when it is clear that the trust is permanently gone should you then press on with any efforts on how to save your daughter from this bad marriage.
They are always fighting
When you think of your daughter and her spouse, do you remember them being at peace more than they fought? If your answer is no, your daughter is in a bad marriage. Research by Johns, Flaherty & Collins confirms this by listing constant arguments as a top reason for divorce.
A couple that is constantly fighting is one that not only suffers from poor communication but has other underlying issues that are not being dealt with. For your daughter’s mental health, it might be best that she leaves the union.
Other ways to know the marriage is over can be found at How To Know When To Leave A Marriage.
8 Tips for saving your daughter from a bad marriage
Find out the objective truth
As we alluded to earlier, your daughter’s truth might not be the complete truth. To properly help her, you must be sure of the objective truth.
Suppose you suspect your daughter is in a bad marriage. In that case, the first thing to do is to try to find out the whole picture before trying to find out how to solve your daughter’s marriage problems.
You can talk to your other children, your daughter’s friends and neighbors, and anyone else you feel might shed more light on the situation. Whoever you decide to talk to, however, make sure they can be trusted to keep your inquiries discreet.
Report to the authorities
In cases of abuse and domestic violence, you shouldn’t worry about how to talk with your daughter about her marriage; just report to the relevant authorities.
If you worry that your daughter has been so manipulated that she sides with her abusive spouse, you can make the report anonymously.
Also, try to compile as much evidence as possible to support your claims and get your daughter help as quickly as possible.
Talk to her
If you’re still on speaking terms with your daughter, try to talk to her to find out her opinions on her marriage. This would help you chart the best way forward. For instance, if she shares your worries, getting her out of that marriage would be easier.
In a situation where your daughter has been so manipulated that she doesn’t see anything wrong with how she’s being treated, you may have to seek the service of an expert to find out the best approach.
Whatever the case, it is essential that you practice empathic listening when talking to your daughter. This ensures that you better understand your daughter’s situation while helping her feel comfortable enough to express her true feelings.
Support her decisions
There’s a chance that your daughter is being manipulated, and depending on how intense this is, she may not see her marriage as bad.
To break this spell, you will need to lend her your support to gain her trust. As she turns to you more, it’ll give you the chance to show her the toxicity of her marriage.
And if she fully understands how bad her marriage is, your daughter will need your support as she decides how best to proceed.
Suggest a marriage therapist
If your daughter is open to it, there are a lot of benefits to be gained from speaking to a professional on marriage issues.
The insight given by the therapist might prove invaluable in helping your daughter decide between staying and working on things or leaving the marriage as quickly as possible.
If your daughter is worried about being seen going for marriage therapy without her husband, you can recommend online counseling. The flexibility that this route offers will allow her to attend sessions when he isn’t around.
When recommending a therapist, don’t pick one close to the family or yourself. This improves the chances that the therapist would be objective.
Avoid criticizing her spouse
One major thing to remember when trying to help your daughter leave her marriage is to steer clear of criticizing her husband. It could backfire and damage your relationship with your daughter.
The husband might, for instance, paint you as someone who wants the marriage to end because you don’t like him. Your daughter might fall for this and decide that you’re the enemy.
So instead, focus on your daughter and how she doesn’t seem like herself lately. Be kind and caring in your tone to show her that your concerns are from a good place.
Talk to a marriage counselor
Marriage counselors and therapists do not limit their advice to married couples alone. They can offer you advice on how to help your daughter with her marriage.
The advantage of such an approach is that you will get customized advice based on the specific characteristics of your daughter’s marriage.
Don’t forget, online therapy is an option and a cheaper one at that.
Speak to a divorce lawyer
If your daughter finally decides to leave the marriage, you must be prepared for what comes next. This is where divorce lawyers come in.
Their vast knowledge of the laws regarding divorce will broaden your horizon on your daughter’s options after the marriage ends. For instance, the assets she can get, how the children will be affected, and other things that can put your daughter in a better position before divorce proceedings are initiated.
Such knowledge is vital because it makes the transition easier for your daughter and allows her to take charge of the marriage dissolution process.
For more insight, check out How to Get Your Daughter Away From a Controlling Boyfriend.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I save my daughter’s marriage?
- Convince her to speak to a marriage therapist.
- Be available to support her whenever she needs to talk.
- Listen to her without interruptions or simply practice empathic listening.
- Don’t impose your opinion, but offer advice based on what you would do.
How do you save a doomed marriage?
- First, decide if the marriage is worth saving.
- Sign up for marriage counseling.
- Set up regular dates centered around your interests. For instance, a sports event if your spouse is into sports.
- Verbally appreciate your spouse more.
- Come up with rules to govern arguments and disagreements. This helps to keep “fights” cordial and fair.
Check out How To Get Your Marriage Back On Track.
How can we fix and save a broken marriage?
- Think and reflect on why your marriage became broken in the first place, and then work on your results.
- Appreciate your spouse and their efforts more.
- Talk to each other about finding ways to reconnect and save your marriage.
- Consider going to marriage therapy to learn professional tips on saving your marriage.
- Make the decision to love your partner through the difficult times and follow through on it.
- Be willing to compromise in certain areas to reduce conflict.
Trying to end a marriage is a big deal; you shouldn’t think about it unless things are really bad. You need to be prepared for the possibility that after you help your daughter out of the marriage, she might resent you. This is common with people who have been manipulated. Still, it won’t last forever because they’ll eventually see that they are better off without the manipulator.
At the end of the day, remember that leaving the marriage is your daughter’s decision alone. You can’t force your opinions on her as she is an adult. If she refuses to end the marriage despite your best efforts, it might be best to leave her be. However, all bets are off if it is a case of domestic violence.
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