“You’re probably thinking that this can’t be happening.” How often have you said that to yourself in the third person? If you’re a little like me, then there are too many times to count.

You see, life is like a professional batsman who keeps throwing curve balls at unimaginable speeds, and we’re the catchers. Sometimes we catch the ball, and other times the ball takes a deflection from the bat and hits you right in the gonads.

Everything we do has a chance of going horribly wrong and leaving us saying, “this just can’t be happening.” You could be doing something as simple as walking, and the wrong step twists your ankle. Or you could be going to work for a presentation when a bird decides that your shirt is great for pooping.

In such times, it’s easy to ask, “why is this happening to me?” There’s nothing wrong with that. You have every right to express frustration because it might make you feel a little better to let your feelings out. But that isn’t going to fix the situation, is it?

So what do you do when life decides you don’t deserve nice things? We have some thoughts on that.

1. Take a breath and calm down 

When the unexpected happens, especially when it is negative, we get a sudden rush of emotions. There is confusion, sadness, anger, and disbelief. In time these are all replaced by either of two emotions, anger, sadness, or even both. 

We react to these emotions in various ways. Some might scream and curse the universe, and others might just want to call it quits the day and go to bed. 

Neither of those things is helpful and can even make you feel worse. In times like these, you should be focused on getting past whatever has you saying, “I can’t believe what’s happening to me.”

The first step to gaining control of the situation is to calm down. Research shows that making decisions in high-stress situations will most likely return to haunt you.

You know yourself best and so know how to calm yourself down. So, take a deep breath, draw upon your relaxation strategies, and take charge of your emotions. 

• Accept that life happens 

Once you have calmed down enough, the next step is to accept that the situation has happened and there isn’t any time machines to use and reverse it.

Tell yourself that everyone goes through terrible moments every now and then, and today is simply your turn. 

You could even remind yourself of a terrible moment someone you know recently went through to convince yourself that life can suck. For many, this can calm them down further, which is good because a calmer mind is needed for what comes next.

• Decide your next steps 

While you’re probably thinking that this can’t be happening (whatever it is), there are some questions you need to ask yourself. Answering these would provide you with your next moves and motivation to do them. 

These questions include:

• Should I continue doing what I’m doing or think of alternatives?
• If I continue, can the situation be salvaged?
• What are the benefits of continuing v. moving on?
• What are the costs of continuing v. moving on?
• What skills do I need to salvage the situation?
• Do I need the assistance of anyone, and how do I need them?

If you can provide good enough answers to these questions, the foundation of a plan will be formed. As you go along, more questions will come up, but you will be better prepared to deal with them after you deal with these earlier ones.

• Come up with short-term goals

After deciding on your next course of action, you need to break it down into short-term goals. This makes your task easier because you just have to do one thing at a time.

For instance, in our example of a bird pooping on your shirt just before an interview, you can start by calling your boss to explain you’ll be a little late. Then decide if you can still get back home to get a new shirt or clean off the excretion in the office bathroom and use the hot air dryer to get it ready faster. 

Basically, your next move shouldn’t be you saying, “this can’t be happening to me,” but coming up with actions that can get you out of your problem and are within your power to do as well.

• Put those goals into action 

Now that you know what needs to be done and your next steps, it’s time to go into action mode.

Start with the first couple of goals, see how they go, and follow through with the next couple. This is important because it allows you to evaluate your moves to see if they work. If they aren’t, you can develop new goals and keep going.

The important thing is that, like Johnny Walker, you keep walking. Getting through goals – however minor they are – will serve as motivation to do more. Before you know it, you’ll be totally out of the “I didn’t expect this, this can’t be happening” mindset. 

• Motivate yourself 

I’m not gonna lie to you. Just because you are well on your way out of a bad situation doesn’t mean you’ll automatically feel better. Your emotional recovery time depends on the situation that has got you thinking this is not reality and is not happening to you.

Those negative emotions can be a drag on your efforts to restore normalcy, so if and when they do pop up, you need you some motivation.

There are several ways you can get this. For instance, you could remind yourself of tough situations you’ve gotten through in the past. You could also call someone you consider your support system to hype you up.