11 Signs Someone Doesn't Want To Be Your Friend and Other Friendship Answers
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
- Friendship is a two-way street, and if someone shows you all the 11 signs listed in this article that he/she doesn’t want to be your friend, there is no point in wasting any further time on the venture to get them to become friends with you.
- This article also provides the following important friendship:
- How to tell someone you don’t want to be their friend;
- How to tell if someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore;
- Signs your friend doesn’t care about you;
- How to tell a friend you don’t want to be friends anymore; and
- How to know if someone doesn’t like you.
Friendship is a beautiful thing. It is one of those important relationships in life and from the above chart of what Americans think their friend will do for them, it is not difficult to appreciate why friendships are important.
As human beings, we are social animals that crave companionship and the sense of camaraderie that comes with friendship and it is no wonder we are always on the lookout for that person or two we can call friends. Good quality friends always help each other out and have each other’s back and that is why we crave the companionship that comes from good quality friendships.
And if you are uncertain if your friends are good friends, check out our article on 4 Benefits of surrounding yourself with good friends to learn of the qualities and characteristics of good quality friends.
As important as friendships are, the sad reality of life is that not everyone will be our friend or indeed want to be our friend. This of course hurts and no one wants to feel the sense of rejection that comes with someone not wanting you as a friend or wanting to be your friend. But it is not realistic to expect that everyone will want to be our friend because, at the end of the day, we are all different people with different likes and interests and at different points in our journey in life. And because of this difference, we won’t always have commonalities or shared interests, which are important for any friendship to continue, or indeed to last.
This is why it is important to know the signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend and be on the lookout for these signs in any friendship you are desiring to pursue. This will help you in knowing when to care for yourself enough to stop wasting your valuable time on a friendship venture that is no longer worth it. And it is these signs that this article helps you with.
You may also like this related article on When should you give up on a relationship.
What You Need To Remember Or Bear In Mind About Someone Not Wanting To Be Your Friend.
Table of Contents
Before giving you the signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it is important to point out the following 4 important things that you need to bear in mind:
There is no obligation on anyone to be your friend.
People have the right to decide who they want as their friend or don’t want as their friend, and they shouldn’t have to apologize for it or feel under any obligation to be your friend. Pretty much in the same way you are under no obligation to be their or anyone’s friend for that matter.
Once you can accept this, you won’t take any refusal to be your friend personally or to heart because you will understand that they are just doing what they feel is right for them in the same way you will also do what is right for you.
Their not wanting to be friends with you has nothing to do with you.
It is also important to know that their decision not to want to be your friend has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They may have their reasons such as not feeling like you are a good fit or just not feeling that friendship connection with you. Whatever the reason, it is their personal preference and choice.
Friendships are great but you can still have a great life without friends until the right fit of friends come along.
And this is an important lesson to remember. You must always remember that friends are not meant to be a crutch that replaces your life. You are to be content with your life alone before seeking out friends. The reason why this is important is so that you don’t suddenly find that without friends in your life you are finding it hard to cope alone. Being overly reliant on friends for your fulfillment will ultimately make you clingy and that alone would drive any would-be friends away from you.
And if you are finding it difficult to enjoy life without friends, our article on Fun things to do when you have no friends can help you with invaluable insights on how you can have a fun life without friends until the right friend comes along.
Another exciting thing you can do to keep yourself busy and occupied if you have no friends is to keep a blog. A blog is a good way to have conversations with the world and get your thoughts and feelings out. It is especially useful and helpful if you are worried about keeping so many thoughts bottled up inside. You can also try journaling. It also helps. When you find it easy to spend time with yourself in these ways and have conversation(s) with yourself in these ways, you will find that it is easier to have a fun life without friends.
If no one wants to be your friend then maybe you might be the problem in a way, whether big or small.
While it is true that people not wanting to be your friend has nothing to do with you, it could be that you are giving them reason(s) to not want to take that step in becoming your friend. Here are some things that generally turn people off from wanting to be friends:
Always talking about yourself.
If every conversation you have is about how you did this or did that or oh what you think and oh this and that about you, don’t be surprised if they don’t want to be your friend and give you all the signs listed in the next section. No one wants to be around a “me, me, me” person.
Asking very personal questions when you meet them the first time.
First meetings as a rule of social etiquette are meant to be light-hearted, warm, and funny. But if you decide to use the first meeting to ask about everything about a person’s life, this comes off as prying, and you will come off as creepy and weird and unsurprisingly, the person may start to avoid you.
Coming on too strong after the first meeting with them.
So maybe you met at a social gathering and you kicked things off on a really great foot and even exchanged contacts and your social media names, exercise some restraint. Don’t immediately send them a text message the very next day or every day. Even becoming friends on their social media pages should come at least 3 – 5 days after your first meeting. If you bombard people with messages immediately after you meet them, they will read it as being clingy and keep a distance.
Always invading their space.
This is similar to coming on too strongly. In this case, you are always asking to hang out or meet up. This is also interpreted as being clingy and will make them keep their distance from you.
Being a negative person even on a first meeting.
As we said earlier, first meetings are meant to be light-hearted and fun. But if the first time you meet this would-be friend you start unloading about all the negativity in your life or how terrible everyone else and the world is, you shouldn’t be too surprised if they keep avoiding any other subsequent meetings afterward.
Related article: How to remain positive in difficult times.
Always asking for personal favors.
If you are always needing help and asking personal favors, you may be seen as a burden and liability and won’t keep or have friends for too long. It is important to be able to be independent and self-reliant, especially for small things.
This list is not exhaustive. You can also check out our article on How to make your friends want to hang out with you for more reasons why people may not want to be friends and hang out with you.
11 Signs Someone Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend.
Perhaps you’ve been trying to make this new friend but they seem to be blowing hot and cold on you and you are not sure what to make of it and whether it means they are not interested in being your friend. Well, wonder no more. Evaluate your relationship with this person(s) and look out for any of these 11 signs and once you see any, you can be sure that they don’t want to be your friend.
1. You are the only one reaching out to them and making the effort in communicating.
Friendships are two-way streets. It is not supposed to be a one-sided effort. But if you find that you are the only one reaching out to this would-be friend, and making efforts to communicate with them, then you need to take a step back because it is a subtle hint on their part to say “I don’t want to be your friend” and that they are not interested in a friendship with you.
Perhaps it could very well be that they have legitimate reasons for not being the first to reach out. The only way to know this for sure is by putting a brake on your constant communication for some time, say between a month to three months, and see if they will make the effort to reach out to you in that time.
If they genuinely want to give a friendship with you a shot, they will make that effort and reach out to you. If they don’t, then you have your answer that they are not interested. Just let the communication die at that point and move on with your life and finding other friends.
2. They always promise to get back to you on meeting up or hanging out but never do.
This probably sounds very familiar. Maybe you bumped into them at the mall or even sent a message asking if they wanted to hang out to catch up and the likes. They replied or said they’ll get back to you on the day and time that suits them, but they never did.
If they do this once, we can put it on maybe forgetfulness on their part. If it however becomes the norm with them, then it is no accident. They are deliberately avoiding hanging out with you and have no interest in building a friendship with you.
There is no need to take it to heart. If you asked them twice or thrice and this happens twice or thrice, stop asking them and move on with other friends or alone. If they genuinely want to hang out, they will then reach out to you later to make it right.
3. They take their time responding to your messages.
This one can be pretty infuriating especially if you can see that they are online but choosing to ignore your message. For some, they may even go as far as staying online for a long time and then ignoring your message and going offline, only to respond to it many days after.
Once you see this clear sign that they have no interest in giving any priority to your message(s), take the cue and move on. Cut the communication and carry on with your life and other friends.
4. Their answers are very brief with little to no interest in engaging in lengthy and deep conversations.
If you’re trying to engage in a deep and meaningful conversation with them and they give you very short answers, it is their way of saying they would much rather be anywhere else but with you having that conversation. It is another subtle hint that people use when they don’t want to be your friend.
Again, where this is the case, thank them for their time and leave the conversation. You don’t need to waste your time with someone who has no interest in hearing the amazing things you have to say.
5. They are always “busy” to hang out with you.
Granted that we are all busy people in life, but when someone is interested in being friends, they will always make out time from their busy schedule to make the friendship work. And if they can’t seem to do this or at least be willing to even try, you can be sure that they have no interest in being your friend.
6. They are not so much interested in you and only always talk about themselves.
If when you eventually get them to hang out the only person they ever want to talk about is themselves, then it is clear what matters to them and it isn’t you. A person who is interested in being your friend will also take an interest in your life as a way of trying to see if you are a good fit for what they stand for. If they have no interest in your life, it is their way of saying they have no interest in being your friend.
7. They may invite everyone else in your circle except you.
This will happen if you both happen to be in the same circles. If you find that they seem to always invite everyone else except you to hang out with them, it is another clear indication that they don’t want to be your friend or hang out with you.
8. They are almost always distracted when you’re talking with them.
Have you noticed that when you are with them and trying to have a conversation, they can’t seem to put down their phone? It’s almost as if you are talking with yourself. This is rude and disrespectful and they are sending you a subtle message that you are undeserving of their time and attention.
Where this happens, calmly point out to them that it appears they have other things that need their attention and that you will excuse them so that they can take care of it. And then leave the conversation. As a way of loving yourself, it is best not to reach out to them. If they had any genuine interest in being your friend they will apologize for their rude behavior and make it right. And if they don’t you have your answer.
9. They almost always cancel plans with you at the last minute.
This one is another classic. They may agree with you to a meeting or hang out and then either on the night before the scheduled hang out, or even on that morning, they send a message that something unexpected has come up and they will need to cancel. They may even go as far as saying that they will call you to reschedule at a more opportune time, and then they never do.
Maybe the first time it was genuinely an emergency. But if “unexpected emergencies” always happen to come up every time you are to meet them, it is no longer coincidence but deliberate and wilful.
Where you see this sign, simply stop making plans with them. If they genuinely had an emergency and wanted to hang out with you, they will call back and make concrete plans that they follow through on. And if they don’t do this, take the cue and leave them and find other friends.
10. They only talk to you when they need something.
If the only time they reach out to you is when they need something from you – either for you to check out their social handles for something they wrote or to ask for personal favors, they are not genuinely interested in being your friend. They are only keeping in contact with you because of what they think they can get from you. Those are not the kind of people to call friends, because they are users. Once they no longer need you, they will cut off all communications with you. Before that happens, do yourself the favor and cut off from them.
11. You may not be made to feel comfortable when around them.
This is the final test of whether or not someone wants to be your friend. When a person wants to be your friend, they are generally warm and welcoming. They will want to make you feel comfortable around them. If this would-be friend is the exact opposite, that is their passive-aggressive way of telling you that you are not welcome to be around them.
There is no need to try and understand why. Simply give them their space. You will meet other friends who will be your friend(s) and make it warm and comfortable to hang out with them.
How To Know If Someone Doesn’t Like You – 3 Signs That Someone Doesn’t Like You.
There is a subtle difference between not wanting to be your friend and not liking you entirely. Sometimes it could be a question of perspective and misunderstanding a person but there are still clear signs that someone doesn’t like you. When you see any of these 3 signs, you can be sure that the person giving you those signs doesn’t like you.
1. They deliberately ignore you.
If you say something and they outrightly keep quiet or act as though you said nothing, it is a deliberate passive-aggressive way of telling you they don’t like you and are refusing to acknowledge you or what you’ve said.
2. They may walk out of a room as soon as you walk in.
In extreme and bad cases, the person who doesn’t like you may immediately walk out of a room as soon as you enter the room. The first time may just be a coincidence. But pay attention. If they always walk out every time you walk in, it is no accident. They don’t like you and can’t stand being in the same space as you.
3. They may walk on the other side of the road if your paths accidentally crossed while out and about.
This is another sign in very bad cases where someone doesn’t like you. They may make it a point to move to the other side of the road if they see you headed their way from up ahead the road.
These top three signs are not exhaustive. In our article on What to do when your mother in law hates you we also list other signs that someone may hate or dislike you. The signs in that article are as true for anyone as they are of one’s mother-in-law and will be a worthwhile read.
Also, check out this important related article on Signs someone wants to destroy you.
How To Tell If Someone Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Anymore – 7 Signs.
On the flip side of the coin are those friends that doesn’t want to be friends anymore. You’ve been good friends with them for some time but all of a sudden it looks like they want to bring the friendship to an end. You were having a good time as friends and did fun things like exploring your town together, spending nights in hotels, and other fun things but now all of it are things of the past. They seemed to have moved on from the friendship.
It is important to not blame yourself and understand that people have several reasons why they may not want to be friends anymore. Sometimes it could be that you have both grown apart and they want to keep it that way. Or perhaps you have both become different people due to growing up and getting different interests and pursuits in life.
Whatever the case, just like with a would-be friend who doesn’t want to be your friend, it is also important to let go of those friends that don’t want to be friends anymore. And to know when it is time to let go, you need to know what the signs are that they don’t want to be friends anymore because most people will not come out outrightly to tell you. They will rather give you hints through these signs and hope that you get the message.
To help you get that message, here are the 7 signs to look out for, to know that someone doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
1. They stop staying in touch and you are the only one making an effort to stay in touch.
Communication and staying in touch is the lifeblood for any successful relationship, including a friendship. And before now this was the case with your friendship. You guys always stayed in touch and communicated, but suddenly the trail has grown cold.
If this continues and you find that you are the only one staying in touch and trying to keep the friendship alive, it may be best to take your friend’s cue and also go cold and let the relationship fizzle out. If this was not deliberate on their part, they will reach out to try and get the relationship back on track.
2. You hardly hang out with them anymore.
This also goes hand-in-hand with staying in touch. Friends hang out as a way of keeping the friendship alive. If your friend doesn’t want to hang out anymore or is too busy to hang out, then it is an indication they want to move on from the friendship.
3. You only get to learn important news about their life from other people or on their social media pages.
This one can be pretty painful, especially if you guys were so close before and always updated each other on the important things happening in your lives. But if they have suddenly stopped doing this and are content with you finding out like everybody else on social media, or having other people know to your exclusion, it is a subtle hint that they are moving on from the friendship.
4. They don’t reply to your messages on time or at all.
Once they start choosing when to respond to your messages, it is another indicator that they have made the decision that you are no longer a priority. Maybe once this can be excused, but if it becomes a norm, it is deliberate on their part.
5. They stop taking your calls and hardly return them.
Sometimes they may even go as far as ignoring your calls and not returning them. Or choose to return them many days after with a flimsy excuse. This is one clear way of telling you that they are no longer interested in continuing the friendship it was before.
6. They only reach out when they want something from you.
If you find that your friend suddenly only gets in touch with you when they want something from you, they are no longer good quality friends and the friendship has become one where you are being used. It is important to move away from a friendship when it degenerates to this level because they don’t genuinely care about you but only about what they can get from you.
7. They stop taking an active interest in your life.
The final nail on the coffin is that they stop taking an active interest in your life. They stop asking after your well-being or checking up to see how you’re doing. In this way, they are indirectly telling you that they don’t care about you anymore and are moving on from the friendship.
You may love this related article: Farewell party ideas for a friend.
Where a friend makes it clear that they don’t want to be friends anymore, there is no need to force the friendship to continue. Accept it and move on to other friendships. Perhaps in time, they will see the need for the friendship and reach out to you to revive it.
Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Care About You Anymore.
The main sign that your friend doesn’t care about you anymore is that they simply stop checking up on you or following up on your well-being. A friend who cares about you will always go out of their way to check up on you and see that you are well. If your friend stops doing this, it is the clearest sign that they don’t care about you anymore.
Check out this related article on How to start caring about yourself to learn about ways to look after yourself even when your friend doesn’t care about you anymore.
How To Tell Someone You Don’t Want To Be Their Friend – 3 Helpful Ways.
This may sound harsh and unkind, but the truth is that we also do not have an obligation to be friends with people if we have thought things through and decided we don’t want to be their friend.
The points discussed in this section apply to the people who are trying to be your friend, rather than people who are already your friend. For people who are already your friend, we discuss it in the section after this one.
However, before you tell someone you don’t want to be their friend, you must take note of this important point and ask yourself this important question.
- Why don’t you want to be their friend?
Understanding why you don’t want to be their friend will help you in knowing the approach to take in telling them (or not telling them) that you don’t want to be their friend.
- And remember that the fact that you don’t want to be their friend does not mean you should not be nice and friendly to and with them.
Being nice and friendly does not take away anything from you nor cost you much. It is important to remain friendly and nice because you never know where you will meet them again tomorrow and may need their help. The world goes round and anything is possible tomorrow.
Once you have these in mind, you can go about telling them you don’t want to be their friend in the following ways.
1. Give them any of the 11 subtle hints listed earlier in this article.
This is the better approach to start with especially since they are not your friends yet anyway. Usually, this works and should get the message across without you having to come out outrightly and maybe hurt their feelings in the process.
2. If they still don’t get the message, have a sit-down with them and lovingly and gently tell them that as much as you would love to be friends with them, you cannot give them the friendship they are looking for right now.
That this has nothing to do with them at all and they are great and wonderful but you are just not able to be friends right now.
3. Don’t apologize for not wanting to be their friend because you owe no one an explanation or any obligation to be their friend.
Simply keep it short and simple as set out earlier and move away. You are not responsible for how they take it or feel afterward. If they however threaten to hurt themselves, talk to an appropriate authority such as a counselor because it is clear there is an underlying mental health issue.
When You Don’t Want To Be Friends Anymore – How To Tell A Friend You Don’t Want To Be Friends Anymore.
Where however it is a close friend, it becomes a different ball game. Given your closeness with your friend, you at least owe them as much as an explanation, even if it is a short one.
First of all, you need to be clear about why exactly you don’t want to be friends with them. This is important because it will help with the explanation you will give them. Also consider or ask yourself if terminating the friendship completely is the way to go, and whether there aren’t any less drastic measures to take like reducing the frequency of communication and the likes.
If you’ve considered these two things and decided that ending the friendship is the only way out, do the following.
1. Have a sit-down with your friend.
2. To make it less painful, don’t have this sit-down in a place that means something to both of you. Choose a neutral place that isn’t reminiscent of where you used to hang out a lot. This will make the break-up more bearable.
3. Be gentle but firm in breaking the bad news and your reasons to them. If you feel they may not take the real reason too kindly, find a more vague and palatable reason to give them.
4. Again, you don’t need to apologize for wanting to bring the relationship to an end. Simply tell them that it’s been great being friends and you will cherish the times you had as friends but you have decided to move on from the friendship.
5. Once you leave the friendship it is important to cut all communication so that it is clear that the friendship has come to an end. This will also make it easier for them to move on.
And remember, the fact that you are no longer friends does not mean you stop being friendly and civil to one another when your paths cross for whatever reason.
Frequently Asked Questions.
1. When should you give up completely on someone who doesn’t want to be your friend?
Once they’ve made it clear that they have no interest in continuing to be friends, it is time to give up on the friendship. Once you see any of the signs listed in this article, consider letting go of the friendship. This is especially important if it becomes clear to you that you are the only one making an effort to keep the friendship alive.
2. If a person doesn’t want to be your friend, how would you feel and react?
It is okay to feel hurt initially. How you react is however more important. There is no need to take it personally or react in any way. Remember their not wanting to be your friend is their decision and has nothing to do with you. Simply dust yourself and move on. Other people who want to be friends will come along.
3. How do I re-engage an old friend who doesn’t seem to want to speak with me anymore?
There is no point in re-engaging with them since they have made it clear they don’t want to speak with you. You can’t force them to speak with you. Simply let them be and if and when they want to, they will re-engage with you.
4. What do you do if your best friend doesn’t want to be with you anymore?
You let them be. You can’t force them to want to be with you anymore. Find other friends and keep yourself busy in the meantime until you make new friends.
5. My friends always ‘disinclude’ me. They are so quick to run to another ‘cooler’ person mid-conversation even if they are unwanted there. I feel like I’m intruding when I’m not. What do I do and are they really my friends?
They are not your friends if they do these things. You need to leave them and make new friends who will value you and treat you with the respect that you deserve.
6. How do you know when somebody doesn’t want to talk to you anymore through texting?
They either stop replying to your messages or they take their sweet time in replying to it. And when they eventually do, their answers are very short and brief.
7. If someone doesn’t have friends, is that person to blame for not having any friends?
It is necessarily the case that they are always to blame. But it will be important for the person to evaluate their disposition and see if they do any of the 6 things listed in the first section of this article. If they do, then those things could be what turns people off from them.
8. My best friend joined a new friend group and we seemed to be growing apart. My other friend who in the same friend group doesn’t seem to even want to be near me. What should I do?
Leave them both be because they are clearly not good friends. You deserve to be in a friendship where you are valued and respected.
9. My best friend doesn’t tell me important things about her life anymore. Is this a sign that she stopped caring about me?
Yes, it is. it is also a sign that she is no longer interested in continuing with the friendship. Give her the needed breather and let the relationship fizzle out if she continues in this fashion.
In Closing, Always Remember This!
As human beings, some friendships will inevitably fizzle out. It is also inevitable that some friendships will never happen. Accept this as one of those realities of life and you won’t lose sleep over people that don’t want to be your friend or over that friend that suddenly does not want to be friends anymore.
It is also important to always keep evaluating yourself and your actions and dispositions generally to people and your friends. If you feel you could partly be blamed, take note of those things you need to improve on and work on them moving forward. Don’t however wallow in it. Learn from it, make the needed changes, and move on and the lessons you’ve learned from it will make your next friendship more successful.
And remember that the fact that someone is no longer your friend or never wanted to be your friend in the first place, does not mean you should stop being nice, civil, and friendly with and to them.
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