What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Respect You
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
- Living with a disrespectful husband can be very depressing sometimes. It can leave you feeling jaded and small. In this article, we show you the 19 signs of a disrespectful husband and how to deal with a disrespectful husband.
What do you think is the most important problem facing this country today?
A 2020 opinion poll conducted among Americans seen on Statista (and reflected in the above chart), shows that lack of respect is one of the problems facing American society in present times. Intimate relationships are not immune to this problem.
In another poll conducted in nearby Colombia (also seen on Statista), 76% of women stated that they readily indulged in an affair because their partner was not giving them any attention, sexual or otherwise. And usually, this will happen because her partner isn’t being respectful of her in the relationship (as we will show you in the signs that will be discussed in the next section).
Main reasons to have an affair for women in Colombia in 2020. Source: Statista
As a wife, you want to feel loved and respected by your husband. In our article on 15 Signs of a disrespectful wife, we pointed out that one of the reasons why a wife would disrespect her husband would be in response to his actions in disrespecting her. If you are feeling disrespected by your husband and are not too sure if he is disrespecting you, we will help you out in this article. We will show you the important 19 signs you have a disrespectful husband and what to do when your husband doesn’t respect you.
If you feel your husband hates you, we have a helpful article on What to do when your husband hates you that you can also read for useful tips and insights.
19 Signs your husband doesn’t respect you.
When your husband doesn’t respect you, he will display it through some or all of the following signs and behaviors.
1. He questions your authority to discipline the kids in front of the kids.
Parenting styles will not always be the same with husband and wife because of their upbringing which will have an obvious impact on their preferred parenting styles. A respectful husband will however not question the parenting style of his wife in front of their children. He will wait until he is alone with her and then voices his concerns or misgivings with her.
A disrespectful husband on the other hand will always undermine his wife’s disciplinary authority over the children in front of the children. This will send the wrong message to the children that they too can disrespect mommy. If your husband is in the habit of doing this, then he is disrespectful.
2. He is rude and condescending when he speaks to you (even in front of the children).
Is your husband always mean, rude, and condescending when he speaks to you even in front of your children? Every time he talks to you, he uses a condescending tone that says he thinks he’s better than you. That is not okay. That is definitely a man that has no respect for you or regard for your feelings.
This is also a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can affect your self-esteem and take a toll on your mental health.
If he still doesn’t change after you take the steps we will list in the next section, you need to leave him. You should not stay in a marriage where you are constantly being talked down to and made to feel like a second class citizen.
Check out our helpful article on What to do when people don’t respect you for more tips on what to do.
3. He belittles you and makes you feel small and inadequate.
Not only does he speak to you rudely and condescendingly, but he also goes out of his way to say hurtful words that belittle and make you feel small and inadequate. He could say things like “why can’t you ever get anything right”?
He may go as far as putting you down based on your general body appearance and weight when he knows full well that it is an area you still struggle with, especially if you have female insecurity in that area. This is also another form of emotional and psychological abuse that would affect you negatively in the long run.
If you’re struggling with female insecurity or low self-esteem let our articles on 29 signs of insecurity in a woman and What does it mean to have low self esteem help you. Check them out for practical helpful tools.
4. He compares you to other women.
A respectful husband that loves his wife deeply will not do this under any circumstance. He knows that you are unique, special, and different. He also knows it is wrong to be comparing you to any other woman because it’s just plain disrespectful and also very wrong.
If your husband is always making statements like “ why can’t you be like other women”, or “why can’t you be like so and so”, that is unacceptable. He should not expect you to be other people that you are not.
5. He checks out other women in your presence.
This is the height of disrespect a husband can exhibit towards his wife. It is simply wrong for him to be actively checking another woman in your presence or even flirting with her.
6. Intimacy is as good as gone and it feels like you always have to beg him to have sex with you.
Do you feel like a sex-starved woman in your home? This is another sign of disrespect. It also shows your husband doesn’t desire you anymore. This is also a worrying sign of the possibility that he is having an extra-marital affair with another woman.
Check out our helpful related article on What to say to someone who cheated on you if you suspect he may be cheating on you.
7. The other side of this is when he wants to have sex even when you’ve made it clear you don’t feel like it.
On the flipside who have the bigot misogynistic disrespectful husband who feels he is entitled to have sex with you whenever he wants to, whether you feel like it or not. Even after you’ve made it clear you don’t feel like sex, he wants to have his way because he does not believe in being told no. This shows clear disrespect for you and your feelings.
Men who do this are usually insecure men who always feel the need to assert their male dominance on a woman. In our article on 9 ways how to deal with an insecure man, we discuss this subject in more detail.
8. He is not fully engaged when you’re talking with him.
Is he always on his phone when you’re talking with him? Or he’s just distracted by other things like his laptop or the television? That is another sign your husband does not respect you. A husband that respects his wife will give her his full undivided attention when she’s talking with him, and be fully engaged.
Check out this related article on How to stop being annoying to your girlfriend to also learn how to stop being annoying to your wife.
9. He fails to spend reasonable quality time with you even when you ask him to.
If he does not make spending time with you a priority anymore even when you’ve voiced the concern, he’s not being respectful of your feelings.
This should not be confused with always expecting your husband to spend every waking minute with you without a break. This latter expectation is being clingy and can be draining since he also needs to get a breather for himself.
Couples need to spend quality time together to grow in love and respect for each other. When he stops doing this even on reasonable requests, have no doubts that he no longer respects you and your feelings.
10. He makes major family decisions without consulting you or seeking your input.
Are you starting to feel like a total stranger and outsider in your marriage because your husband is now making all the decisions without your involvement? It can be really frustrating and annoying too.
11. If he earns more than you, he makes it a point to always rub it in your face.
This is another thing that bigot misogynistic disrespectful husbands do. They want to make their wives feel small and insignificant because of their financial muscle. This is also another form of emotional and psychological abuse that would ultimately affect your self-esteem.
12. He never apologizes when he is wrong and would in fact make it your fault.
Owning up to their faults when they hurt each other is an important element in every intimate relationship if it will last long. And this is no different in a marriage.
The disrespectful husband however does not see things from this perspective. He is disrespectful of his wife and her feelings and so when he is in the wrong, he will be damned if he apologized. He would instead always find a way to make it her fault for what he did.
Let our article on What to do when someone won’t apologize show you what you can do where your husband continues to refuse to apologize for his screw-ups.
13. He plays dirty when you have conflicts (like name-calling and using the silent treatment).
A disrespectful husband sees fights and conflicts with his wife as an opportunity to assert and lord his power over her. He would play dirty by using such tactics as calling her names, using something from her past which she told him out of trust, or giving her the silent treatment to drive her crazy. He is always playing with her head when they get into a conflict. This is another classic narcissistic abusive behavior that can ruin the wife mentally and emotionally in the long run.
14. Deliberately ignoring your boundaries.
Everyone, including the disrespectful husband, has their boundaries. Those boundaries do not suddenly disappear when you get married. If you’ve made these boundaries clear to your husband and he still deliberately ignores them and acts contrary to your expressed wishes, then he has no respect for you or your feelings.
15. Dishonesty and lying to you have become his new normal.
Honesty and transparency are two other important pillars and foundations for a healthy and successful marriage. It tells each spouse that they are valued and respected by the other. If you notice that your husband has suddenly become comfortable with being dishonest with you, it is a serious red flag that he no longer has respect for you.
Let our helpful article on What to do when your boyfriend lies to your face help you with helpful tips of what to do when your husband keeps disrespecting you by lying to your face.
16. He picks up a fight every chance he gets.
Your home suddenly feels like a warzone and minefield. And the worst thing is that you don’t know or understand what triggers his picking a fight. It is starting to feel like just being around you irritates your husband so much that he bites your head at every chance he gets.
This is not only a sign that he is disrespectful of you, but it also shows that there may be other underlying personal issues (such as male depression or a male midlife crisis) he is dealing with which he does not want to open up about. This does not however excuse his disrespectful actions.
If you suspect he may be dealing with male depression or a male midlife crisis, our articles on 19 facts about male midlife crisis stages and 15 ways how to help a man with depression can give you insights on how to help him.
17. He’s started being secretive with and around you.
Before, he would not mind you holding his phone or even going through it. But now, it is the exact opposite. Even looking at his phone would be made out as an unforgivable sin. And you are starting to feel like he is being secretive and hiding things from you, and this is most likely the case.
A secretive spouse is disrespectful to their partner because there should be no secrets between spouses in a healthy, loving, and respectful marriage.
18. Only his needs, desires, and priorities count and come first. He never compromises to accommodate your own needs and desires.
Does it feel like you’re the only one compromising and accommodating his needs? And yet, when it is your turn, he would not even extend the same courtesy or indulgence to you? That shows uttermost selfishness and disregard for you and your feelings. A respectful husband will always make compromises for his wife.
19. He is unwilling to help you with anything.
This also goes hand-in-hand with the unwillingness to compromise. A disrespectful husband will always say no to almost every request his wife makes of him to help her. He does not have any regard for her wellbeing or how she feels even when she is clearly overwhelmed with trying to keep things together at home.
What to do when your husband doesn’t respect you and how to handle, deal with a disrespectful husband.
If you’re dealing with a disrespectful husband, adopt these 5 approaches to get a grip on the issue before it spirals out of control.
1. Deeply introspect on your actions to see if they could also be contributing to the issues.
Sometimes, a disrespectful husband is that way with his wife because she is also disrespectful to him. It is therefore important to deeply introspect into your actions and interaction with your husband, to be sure that it does not have a role to play in his actions towards you.
This does not of course justify his actions but it does show that you cannot exonerate yourself from playing a part in the situation you are faced with.
2. Talk to him about the issue and express your concerns.
Communication is a crucial part of every healthy relationship. Don’t take your husband’s disrespectful behavior towards you by keeping quiet and suffering in silence. That will destroy you a whole lot quicker than you realize.
Find a time when he is in the best of moods and have the conversation with him in as conciliatory a tone as possible. Taking an accusatory tone will only make him defensive and you won’t achieve much when he’s defensive.
Let him know that his actions hurt your feelings and make you feel disrespected and that you would appreciate it if he could be more loving and sensitive to your feelings.
3. Where he engages in emotionally and psychologically abusive behaviors, call him out on them.
Never stand for emotional or psychological abuse. If you are dealing with a narcissist or misogynist who delights in emotional and psychological abuse, immediately he starts his manipulation, call him out on it. Tell him that it is completely unacceptable and you will not stand for it.
It is important to put your foot down with such a man, especially if you are not willing to leave the relationship.
In the long run, however, staying with a man who emotionally and psychologically abuses you, will affect your self-esteem and make you feel insecure. It isn’t worth it.
4. Make your boundaries clear and sternly enforce them when he violates them.
When you have the conversation with him, clearly state your boundaries again and tell him you’d appreciate it if he respects them. And when he does not respect them, sternly enforce them.
For instance, if you’ve told him you do not appreciate being spoken to in a certain way and he continues to do so, you won’t be doing anything wrong by walking out when he starts to cross that boundary. In that way, he knows that you are also serious about your boundaries and having them respected.
5. Be prepared to leave the marriage or at least take a break from it if nothing changes.
When everything fails and your husband remains disrespectful towards you, it may be time to accept that the marriage has reached its final destination.
A disrespectful husband who does not want to change and accord you the respect you deserve has made it clear that the marriage and how you feel is not important to him.
Staying on and taking his disrespect and abusive behavior in hopes that he will change when he has made it clear he won’t, will only serve to hurt you a whole lot more in the long run than you realize.
If you’re still not convinced that it is time to leave, let our article on When should you give up on a relationship give you more compelling reasons to help you make up your mind.
Frequently asked questions.
1. My husband is disrespectful, how do I get my husband to respect me?
The truth is that only your husband can decide if he will respect you. If he does not want to respect you, despite your spirited efforts to make him happy and try to get his respect, you will keep hitting a brick wall.
Once you’ve done your part in being a loving wife and he’s still not giving you the respect you deserve, put in motion the 4 steps outlined in this article. If it still doesn’t work, it is time to leave him and position yourself to meet another man who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
2. My husband is only nice when he wants something, does this mean husband has no respect for me?
Sadly, yes, this is what it means. It also means your husband is a user and has no genuine interest in how you feel and in also contributing to your happiness in the marriage.
3. My husband has no respect for me or my feelings, what do I do?
Follow the 5 helpful tips listed in the last section of this article.
4. My husband disrespects me in front of children, what should I do?
When you are alone with him, gently and lovingly tell him that you do not appreciate his disrespecting you in front of the children and that it is not okay. Let him know that the only reason you did not stand up to him in front of the children was because you respected him. And that if there is a repeat of it, you will have no choice but to put your foot down and stand up for yourself in front of the children because he cannot continue to disrespect you in front of them.
This is important as you also don’t want your children losing respect for you because they saw you as weak and someone to be walked over.
And if he calls your bluff, do exactly as you said. If things get out of hand, for your safety and that of your children, leave with your children and seek help from appropriate authorities.
5. My husband speaks to me disrespectfully, what can I do?
Call him out on it and tell him you won’t stand for it. If it continues, give him and yourself a break from the marriage for your mental wellbeing.
6. My husband says I don’t respect him, what should I do?
Have a heart-to-heart conversation with him and find out in what ways he feels like you don’t respect him so that it helps you know how to make your relationship stronger.
7. How to handle a disrespectful husband and how do I get my husband to respect me?
Follow the 5 helpful tips listed in the last section of this article.
Every wife deserves to be treated with respect by her husband. If your husband is treating you in any of the 19 ways listed in this article, that is not okay and is completely unacceptable. Adopt the 5 strategies listed in this article in handling a disrespectful husband for your safety and general wellbeing.
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