33 Effective Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone.
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U.S. user familiarity with a person from a dating website or app before a date 2017. Source: Statista
There are several good ways to get to know someone but asking questions is the quickest of them all. By asking the right questions, you get a sense of a person’s personality and character, and importantly whether it is the right one for you to be around. For example, someone you just met online on a dating app. Asking them effective questions before meeting them would not only help you establish rapport quicker, but it would also make it a lot quicker for you to decide if this is someone you want to meet up with in person. Asking the right questions is therefore a great way of learning about someone.
If you’re asking “what are good questions to ask when trying to get to know someone?”, then you are reading the right article. You will find any type of question you are looking for in trying to get to know someone.
But before embarking on these questions, it is important to bear the following in mind about people and our disposition when it comes to being asked questions.
1. Some individuals are very private and do not take too kindly to being asked personal questions.
Unless they already know you on some level or through a friend, such types of persons are generally suspicious of out-of-the-blue questions and will clam up.
2. The setting is important to the type of questions being asked.
You obviously shouldn’t be asking a person deep personal questions at a social and informal gathering. It would just make things unnecessarily tense and uncomfortable/awkward.
3. Be intuitive at all times when talking to someone new/someone you’ve just met.
This is super important. Don’t be that person that continues to push and prod when it is clear from all indications that the person you are trying to get to know has no interest in you getting to know them. Also, don’t be that person that talks forever without knowing when to stop or allow the other person to talk.
Being intuitive also means reading the personality of the person you are talking to so that you exercise discretion in the kinds of questions you ask them. For instance, you probably shouldn’t ask someone who looks very sanctimonious about whether they take recreational drugs or love strip clubs. They may likely silently judge you in their hearts while feigning a smile.
4. When in doubt keep it lighthearted, simple, and short.
If you are not sure where you stand with the person you are trying to get to know, work on ending the conversation quickly and on a light note.
Ask them simple light-hearted questions, find a fitting close to the conversation, thank them for their time and take your leave. Trying to stretch it would eventually make the conversation awkward and/or uncomfortable. And this would make the person dread wanting to see you or bump into you next time.
5. Make it a conversation.
Yes, you are trying to know the person but it is not an FBI interrogation session. It has to be interactive. You can’t keep firing questions at this person and not have them ask you questions in return.
6. Be prepared to talk about yourself too.
And this flows from the preceding point about making it a conversation and making it interactive. If you are not prepared to share anything about yourself in return, then you have no business asking people about themselves.
Understand that no one likes that person who wants to poke nose into other people’s affairs without wanting to disclose anything about themselves. It is a hypocritical stance that will make the person you are talking to view you with heightened suspicion and in most cases, disdain.
With the above points in mind, here are some effective questions to ask to get to know someone (better).
You may like this article on Things to know about each other before marriage.
7 Quick questions to ask to get to know someone.
If you’ve just met someone and there isn’t exactly a lot of time to talk and have a lengthy conversation to get to know them, ask them these quick questions to get to know them better in the short space of time you have.
1. “What’s your name?”
Too obvious? Lol. Well, this should obviously be the conversation opener or indeed any conversation opener.
2. “I love your dress (or shirt or any other item of clothing). Is it your favorite color?”
The opening starter to this question is one that would make them smile and get relaxed. And it will make answering your question about their favorite color an enjoyable question to answer.
3. “Are you from around these parts or somewhere far and exotic?”
Again, this is a rather unique and exciting way to ask a person where they come from. It would draw a laugh or two and also be another enjoyable question to answer.
4. “They say you can read a person from the type of books they read. Do you agree with this statement? And what type of books do you enjoy reading and are reading now?”
The person you are talking to will appreciate this as a way of asking them what books they might be reading at the moment. And if they are not reading any books at the moment, they won’t feel judged because you already started by asking them if they shared the popular sentiment on books.
5. “If I asked you to describe yourself with 3 adjectives, what would they be?”
This is a good way of getting someone to summarize themselves. It makes it easy to know what sort of personal follow-up questions to ask.
6. “I love my eyes, hair, and sense of humor. How about you? What are the top 4 things you love about yourself?” (It could be more).
Making this question a conversation in this way will make it easier for the person you’re asking the question to freely share theirs.
7. “What do you reckon is the one thing or things you can do that nobody else can do?”
Of course, we all have that one thing we think we can do better than everyone else. And we also love to talk about them too.
9 Smart questions to ask someone.
The caveat to asking smart questions is to be sure that the person you are about to ask would not mind being quizzed in that way. Some might view it as trying to question their intelligence and thus take offense to it.
But if you are certain your “victim” would not mind lol you can ask them these smart questions. And remember there are so many smart things to talk about. Don’t feel limited by this list.
8. Have you heard of this guy called Christopher Columbus? What did you hear/what do you know about him?
While you may think that the name Christopher Columbus should ring a bell to every American or everyone, it would surprise you that it is not quite the case.
9. Do you think global warming is a real threat or just a hullabaloo of no real significance? Not everyone is an environmental nerd as it turns out.
Global warming is a serious concern but can also be a pretty boring topic to talk about if we’re being honest. So, this one is a question best saved for super nerds lol.
10. What do you think of space travel? If Jeff Bezos was to ask you to join him on his space travel, would you go and what things would you likely want to go with?
Not everyone knows about Jeff Bezos’s current interest in space travel surprisingly. But maybe the person you are talking to knows about it and has a thing or two to say about it or space travel in general.
11. I’ve been pretty inspired by historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, mind sharing what leaders or role models inspire you?
You might find that you both share a love for Abraham Lincoln and the immense contributions he made in shaping America into what it is today.
12. What do you make of Brexit and what lessons do you think we could learn from it?
You may be surprised that not everyone knows much about Brexit or its finer nuances. This is a cool smart question to ask someone because it engages them on a topical issue of political interest. You may find that you both share the same views.
13. Ever heard of the Myers-Briggs personality index? Where do you think you fall on the index?
Myers Briggs personality test is pretty common these days and chances are everyone knows about them and likely knows where they fall on it. And if they don’t, they’ll be happy to have learned something new.
14. Love languages appear to be all the craze these days. What do you make/think of it? Do you have a love language or know what your love language might be?
Love languages revolutionized by the book by Gary Chapman has helped many relationships. This is a topic that is both smart and enjoyable to talk about.
15. If I was President for one day, I think I would do away with social benefits entirely. What would you do if you were President for a day?
This is an interesting question that would reveal what kind of policy thinker the person you are speaking with is.
16. What do you make of the cliche that men are from Mars and women are from Venus?
Hehehe this one can get pretty heated pretty quickly but it’s a good controversial smart question to ask.
4 Generic questions to ask.
General questions are also a simple and quick way to get to know someone better. These generic questions are the top generic questions to ask to get to know someone better.
17. “Personally I don’t think I am an animal person. How about you? Are you a cat person or a dog person?”
We all have a view on pets one way or another. A great majority like pets but there are a few that do not like pets. Maybe they’re one of them.
18. “What would you do if they won the lottery?”
Wouldn’t you love to know hehe!
19. “I love table tennis. How about you? Are you a sports person? What type of sports do you play?”
Sport is a great unifying generic topic to talk about.
20. “Looks versus brains – which is a top priority for you?”
And nothing wrong with liking both actually. After all, nobody wants ugly babies lol.
4 Simple questions to ask someone to get to know them.
Simple questions are another safe option to fall back on when you don’t know what to talk about or are not sure how far to go with the questions. Questions from these 4 categories of simple questions will get you to know someone even better.
21. Personal favorites questions.
Questions about personal favorites are quick and simple questions to ask someone to get to know them. And some top personal favorite questions you can always comfortably fall back on are:
- Favorite books.
- Favorite food.
- Favorite color.
- Favorite subject in school.
22. Questions on music and movies.
Music and movies are great unifying topics that are simple and enjoyable to talk about. Share your music interests by asking the following questions on music:
- Who is their favorite band?
- Their favorite genre of music?
- What type of movies do they like?
- What movie role would they want to play/star in?
23. Travel questions.
We all love to travel and talk about places we want to go. Try out some of these travel questions:
- Their travel bucket list.
- Their top 5 holiday destinations.
- If they could live anywhere else in the world, where would that be?
- Places they’ve traveled to/visited?
Check out these travel-related articles – Gift for someone traveling to Europe and Gifts for someone who likes to travel.
24. Work questions.
We also generally like to talk about the work we do. You can safely ask these work questions:
- Their dream job.
- If they are working and what their job entails.
You might like this work-related article on How to get people to like you at work.
5 Friendly questions to ask.
Here are some more friendly questions to ask someone to get to know them.
25. “Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?”
And who knows, they may reply with “can I be in between?” Hahaha. And before you know it, a friendly conversation ensues.
26. “Are you a foodie or you’re picky with food?”
We all love food but we don’t all love trying out new dishes. Find out if they love being adventurous with food or more reserved and conservative, sticking with what they are used to.
27. “If you could be a bird, or an animal, or a flower, what bird, animal, or flower would that be?”
This would give you some interesting answers that would likely have you both in stitches with laughter.
28. “If granted 3 wishes by a wish genie, what would you wish for?”
Aah don’t we all day-dream about this.
29. “What age would you love to stay in if it was a possibility?”
This one would also give you some pretty interesting answers that would have you laughing or cringing actually. Imagine someone wanting to stay 16 or even 10? You will get surprising answers indeed.
2 Questions to ask to get to know someone deeply.
These types of questions should be reserved for relationships where there is a depth of connection and trust. So, it could be a deep intimate romantic relationship or a deep friendship where you both trust each other and have a sense of loyalty to each other. Questions in these two broad categories of questions are great questions to ask to get to know someone deeply.
30. Relationship questions.
For lovers in a serious relationship or looking to take their relationship deeper, these deep relationship questions are great questions to ask to get to know your partner deeply:
- Relationship deal-breakers. You want to know what these are so that of course, you both work on avoiding them.
- Whether they are a believer in love at first sight.
- Whether they are a passive-aggressive person or more of a confrontational person. Conflicts in relationships are inevitable. So, this is a great question to know the answer to so that it helps you in finding the right approach to resolving your conflicts when they arise.
- When they had their first kiss and how it felt. If you have a jealous streak, perhaps avoid this question lol.
- If they’ve ever been in love and what it was like? This is another relationship history question that should likely be avoided if you have a jealous streak or get the tendency to feel insecure in a relationship.
- If they’ve ever had their heartbroken and what it was like? Or did they do the heartbreaking?
- Their ideal partner/what they look for in a partner. Yes, you need to know if you fit the bill or just a package your partner is playing with until someone better comes along.
- The naughtiest thing they ever did. This is a great question for getting things exciting in the bedroom.
- Do you think it’s possible to be best friends with the opposite sex? This is another good question to know what your ideologies are on this subject because it would eventually arise in your relationship.
You may like these relationship-related articles on How to keep things interesting in a long distance relationship and 25 Remarkable Things a good boyfriend does.
31. Life experiences questions.
We are generally not comfortable sharing intimate personal details of our lives with just about anyone unless we are looking to have a deeper personal relationship with them. These life experiences questions are good questions to ask to get to know someone deeply:
- The one thing they are deeply embarrassed about that they’ve never told anyone else.
- A memory they wish they could erase forever.
- Their favorite memory they wish they could always re-live.
- How growing up was like for them.
- Any bad high school experiences they’ll rather not remember.
- The sweetest thing any guy (or girl) has ever done for them.
2 Serious questions to get to know someone.
For more serious questions to get to know someone better, you can try out any of the questions in these 2 broad categories.
32. Questions on dreams and ambitions.
These are pretty serious questions to ask someone because questions about dreams and ambitions are at the core of who we are. You can ask them these serious questions on dreams and ambitions:
- What drives them and gives them energy.
- A dream that they’ve not achieved and would still love to achieve.
- Did they have to give up anything to achieve the success they have today?
- The advice they will give their younger self.
- How they love to use their spare time when not working.
- Where they see themselves in 5 years and 10 years from now.
- What would they do if today was their last day on earth?
33. Questions on values and principles.
These are another set of serious questions to get to know someone and find out if you share the same principles. Some good questions to ask here are the following:
- Qualities they value in people they spend a considerable amount of time with.
- How many chances they will give a person.
- How long it takes them to get comfortable around someone they just met.
- Their definition of beauty when it comes to human beings.
You may like this article on Question games to play with friends.
Frequently asked questions.
1. How to get to know someone quickly?
The quickest way to know someone is by asking them the right questions. And if you are looking for the right questions to ask them, the list of 33 effective questions to ask to get to know someone can help you.
2. What are good questions to get to know someone?
The 33 questions listed in this article are good questions to get to know someone.
3. What are great questions to ask when meeting someone new?
The questions in the quick questions section, generic questions section, and simple questions section are great questions to ask when meeting someone new.
4. What are some appropriate questions to ask a person about themselves?
It would depend on the depth of your relationship with them. If you are not close with them, you cannot afford to ask questions that would be considered too personal. The questions in the quick questions, generic questions, and simple question sections would be appropriate questions to ask them.
If however, you are close with them, then the questions in the last two sections of this article are appropriate personal questions to ask them.
5. Are there any get to know someone questionnaires that you know about?
You can create your own get to know someone questionnaire from the 33 questions listed in this article.
6. What are some questions to ask when meeting someone?
Depending on how long your meeting with them is, you can ask them quick questions or simple questions to get to know them better.
7. What to do when you want to get to know someone?
You can start by hanging out with them and talking to get to know each other. And asking the right questions when you talk would help you know them better. Our 33 effective questions to ask to get to know someone is a pretty good place to start.
Asking the right questions would help you get to know someone better. By asking anyone the 33 effective questions listed in this article you will get to know them better.
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