19 Signs She's Scared of Getting Hurt

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Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years (August 2020).

Maybe there’s a lady you fancy and you can tell that she likes you but it feels like she’s holding back her feelings. You’re starting to feel like this girl is scared of commitment. You are asking yourself if she is scared or simply not interested in you at all. The reality when it comes to love and relationships, also seen in the above 2020 study from Pew Research, is that it is becoming increasingly difficult in the relationship space to find someone to settle down with. An earlier study in 2013 from YouGov depicted in the charts below showed that particularly in the U.S., it would appear that there are more heartbreaks. This could perhaps explain why fewer and fewer people are finding it easy to find love.

To help you understand the woman who you are sure likes you but is holding back, we explain why she is scared to fall in love with you and what the signs are that she likes you but is scared of getting hurt.

Heartbreak_ More common in America_

Heartbreak_ More common in America_m

A girl likes me but is scared – Why is she scared to fall in love with me?

There are 2 main reasons why a girl is scared of commitment, namely, the fear of being hurt in a relationship, and scars from being hurt in a previous relationship.

1. She’s afraid of getting hurt in a relationship.

The mortal fear of getting hurt can paralyze some women from venturing into a relationship no matter how much they feel for the guy.

The mortal fear of getting hurt can paralyze some women from venturing into a relationship no matter how much they feel for the guy.

And as a result of this, she is holding back her feelings. This causes her to blow hot and cold in the way she relates to you. Sometimes you can feel that she likes you a lot, and other times you are left so confused wondering if she is even interested in you at all. Chances are that she’s into you but afraid because she doesn’t want to get hurt in any relationship. She knows that once she lets you in on how she feels, it exposes her and makes her vulnerable. It also means she has to let her guard down and let you into her heart. And all of these things scare the living daylights out of her.

You can have a conversation with her about the subject of love and learning to accept that love is a risk we all should be open to taking regardless of our fears of getting hurt. Also, show her through your actions that you are not the kind of person who would intentionally hurt her feelings. If you can build the trust, she will in no time let her guard down and allow herself to fall in love with you with no reservations.

2. She’s been hurt before in a previous relationship and is scared to get hurt again.

Women getting hurt in relationships is not a pretty sight to behold. It affects some women more than others and leaves deep scars that take considerable time to heal. These scars make her very wary of letting her guard down too easily because she does not want history repeating itself.

And so, when you see her holding back her feelings, understand that it is likely that she has been hurt before in a previous relationship. Thus, what is needed is patience. Give her some time and in the meantime show her that she can trust you through your actions and being caring as a good friend. In time, she will likely come around and allow herself to fall in love with you without holding back.

You may like these related articles on 15 Signs someone is hiding their feelings for you and How do you know if a guy likes you secretly.

Is she scared of her feelings for me or not interested? 14 signs she’s into you but afraid.

You can stop speculating about this question and instead be on the lookout for these 14 signs that she likes you but is scared of getting hurt.

1. She acts disinterested sometimes and very interested at other times.

This is the classic act of someone who likes you but holds back on their feelings. She doesn’t want you thinking that she is falling seriously in love with you and so what she does is blow hot and cold and give you very confusing mixed signals.

2. She makes it a point not to ask questions that will show an emotional attachment to you.

You will not catch her asking you questions about your whereabouts or who you’ve been with, even though she is dying on the inside to know. For her, asking would betray her and make her come off as liking you too much and being too emotionally attached and dependent on you. And because she is afraid of getting hurt, she will instead be content with acting uninterested.

3. When you do something that would ordinarily offend anyone else in her shoes, she becomes passive-aggressive as a way of registering her displeasure.

Have you noticed how when you upset her, rather than lose her temper and maybe throw a fit of rage, she immediately goes very quiet and withdraws into her shell? She would ignore you for days on end and pretend that all is okay. She does this because in her mind throwing a fit of rage will only show her as weak and also show how much of an impact you have on her emotionally. This feeds her fear that if you know that she likes you that much then you will hurt her. And so, she puts on this persona.

4. She will hardly tell you how she feels about you even though her actions likely tell a different story.

You will hardly hear her tell you how she feels about you but you are left in no doubt about the fact that she likes you by her actions towards you. She is ever so warm and affectionate at varying times and even acts protective of you sometimes. The only thing missing is for her to verbalize how she feels. It is because she is scared and afraid of being hurt by you should she show how much she feels for you.

5. She keeps multiple love interests and doesn’t commit to any of you.

This is another coping mechanism a woman uses when she is trying to shield herself from getting hurt. She will keep several love interests so that she cushions herself from feeling any hurt from any of you.

6. She takes her time and wants to take things slow.

She would also typically not want to rush into anything because maybe because of a bad experience in the past she doesn’t want to be too zealous to rush into letting her guard down. And so, she doesn’t understand why the rush. Deep down she may want to speed things up but given a bad experience she decides to tread with lots of caution. As they say, once beaten, twice shy, she has promised herself not to fall into the same trap twice.

The woman who displays this sign has likely been hurt before in a previous relationship where she got emotionally invested very quickly.

7. She may use lines like “she doesn’t like labels and isn’t the commitment type.

Except these aren’t exactly true. She is only using these afraid of getting hurt quotes as a shield because she is afraid of getting hurt.

8. She can be quite selfish.

Do you feel like she is very selfish and almost inconsiderate of your feelings especially about how you feel for her? You are probably not imagining her selfishness. Women who display this sign are women who have been hurt before in an earlier relationship. She puts on selfishness as a way of looking out for herself to ensure she doesn’t get hurt again.

9. She always acts self-reliant and never wants to make requests that would come off as needing your help.

She reckons that doing this will make her appear weak, helpless, and too dependent on you. What she therefore does is to make sure she never directly asks for your help. She may make her requests come off as statements with the secret hope that you will ask her if she needs help. By asking her, it relieves her of having to ask herself. She is secretly relieved that you offered to help her but she’ll never come out to verbalise it.

10. She is generally cagey about her life and might even get irritated when you ask her too much about it. And yet she sees no problem with talking about your own life and knowing details about your life.

You may find this bizarre and annoying. However the reason she is this way is because she knows that by opening up about her life, she will certainly reach the aspects that make her vulnerable. And she doesn’t want you to see her vulnerability. What she then does is to become super cagey and secretive about her life so that she doesn’t have to reach the point where you see her weak and vulnerable.

11. She will rarely ever flirt with you in person but when it’s over text, she takes flirting to the next level.

You also cannot explain this disconnect between who she is over the phone and who she is in person. Over the phone she is super flirty and sweet and yet when you guys hang out it almost feels awkward and stand-offish. This is because in person she will have to show you how much she likes you by being that flirty and given how scared she is of getting hurt, she clams up.

12. She deliberately pushes you away and pushes your buttons to see how you react and if you will make the deliberate effort to keep wooing her.

You have possibly noticed that she goes out of her way to upset you. She might have been hurt in the past by someone who always spoke harshly to her and she’s testing to see if you are the same so that she can take cover.

She may also deliberately give you a cold shoulder and push you away just to see if you chase after her. She does this because she was perhaps the one doing all the chasing in her past relationship and this ended up working against her. To ensure that this never happens again, she plays hardball to gauge your level of interest in her.

13. She will hardly ever or almost never initiate any physical contact with you but when you do initiate contact she won’t discourage it or even mind it at all.

You also notice that she will almost never go out of her way to hug you or have any form of physical contact with you. However if you initiate the physical contact she will not stop you and will in fact reciprocate it to the fullest. If you get close enough, you may even feel the chemistry that would lead to a kiss but which is quickly shrugged off out of fear.

14. She introduces you as a special or very good friend but never as her lover but when you introduce her as a lover she has no objections to it.

When you meet friends or other people close to her, she will introduce you in this way but do it in such a way that leaves even other people confused about whether it is just friendship between the two of you. And this confuses you because you don’t understand why she cannot just come out and say you two are an item or agree to be an item. Sadly, it’s not that easy for her. She is most likely scared of her feelings for you.

5 Signs she is afraid of losing you.

And then you have the lady who may not necessarily profess her love for you but her actions tell you that she doesn’t want to lose you. To be absolutely certain, look out for these 5 signs that she is afraid of losing you.

15. She acts up when she sees you being too friendly around another female.

You don’t understand this and why she’s making a fuss about your friendliness with other ladies because she has clearly shown you that she is not ready to take that leap with you. She’s afraid that by being overly friendly with other ladies your attraction to her might likely start waning and the thought of losing you to another woman is one that she can’t stomach.

16. She keeps you around her even though she’s non-committal.

She wants to have you around and yet she doesn’t want to commit to you. She may even be friends with benefits with you and yet not want to commit. And when you want to break things off she isn’t willing to break things off. This is because she is scared of getting hurt and yet afraid of losing you.

17. She values your opinion and actively seeks them, including your approval.

She will always want to hear what you think about the things that matter to her. And you can see that she values your opinion(s) because she takes them into account in any action she eventually takes.

18. She’s particularly conscious about getting into any form of fight or misunderstanding with you and would go out of her way to make peace.

When there is any misunderstanding between the both of you, especially the ones engineered by her, she goes out of her way to make peace. She will apologize for being in the wrong and you can see deliberate and conscious effort on her part to not want to do those things that you do not like.

19. She is your hype woman and always there for you when you need her.

No one encourages and believes in you as much as she does. You know that if you need just the right dose of encouragement and confidence booster, she is almost always your first go-to person. She is this way because she doesn’t want to lose you.

Frequently asked questions.

1. What are the signs she is hurt and is therefore holding back her feelings?

You will notice that she displays most if not all the 19 signs listed in this article.

2. The girl likes me but is scared. What should I do?

Give her some time and in the meantime take active steps to gain her trust and show her that you won’t hurt her. Remember that she is that way most likely because she’s been hurt before in a past relationship. Through your actions, show her how much she means to you and you will win her over in no time.

3. I think she is scared to fall in love with me. How do I know if she is afraid to love me?

The girl who is afraid to love you will show you most or all of the 19 signs listed in this article.

4. Are there any afraid of getting hurt quotes that you know of?

Lines and quotes like “I don’t do labels or like labels” or “I am not the type to commit to anyone” are usually used by people who are afraid to get hurt.

5. What are the signs she likes me but is scared?

Look out for most if not all of the 19 signs listed in this article.

6. Is she scared of her feelings for me?

If she’s giving off most or all of the 19 signs listed in this article, then she is likely scared of her feelings for you.

7. Why is she scared of me?

Well, if she is scared of you and still very friendly with you, and too friendly, then she’s scared because she likes you. If however, she is scared of you in a way that shows that she feels uncomfortable around you then that is not a good sign. It means she’s afraid that you may physically or otherwise hurt her. If this happens to be the case, to avoid a situation where you might be accused of hurting her, it is best to keep a distance from her.


Women getting hurt from past relationships make some of them close off from future relationships. As a coping mechanism, they put up certain defensive actions that would leave the one that likes them confused. They do this either because they’ve been hurt before in a past relationship or because they are just simply afraid of being hurt in a relationship.

If she displays most or all of the signs listed in this article, then have no doubt that she’s into you but is afraid and therefore holding back on her feelings.

What you can do is to give her time. Patiently love her and through your actions show her that you are there not to hurt her but to love her. Your consistent love and patience through your actions will eventually break down her defenses and she’ll unreservedly return the love.





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