- Sometimes you can stay so fixated on a relationship that has come to an end that you make your life revolve around an ex who has likely moved on.
- We will help you in this article to stop making this mistake and start acting like you don’t care anymore, and showing him (or her) you don’t care anymore until you reach the point where you’ve moved on from the relationship.
Share of Americans who have met the love of their lives, by gender (2017). Source: Statista
The belief that the one you are with is the only love of your life can make one obsess over an ex when they eventually walk out of the relationship. And this is not only unhealthy, but it is also generally not good for you because of the negative knock-on effect it has on other aspects of your life.
This article will show you how to make that important transition of moving on from an ex you are no longer with, and importantly how to not care about your ex, and how to act like you don’t care anymore.
We also understand that sometimes wanting to show him you don’t care anymore would not always equate with having moved on. If you want to show him you’ve moved on, we will also show you how you can do this.
You would also love this related article on Things to say to an ex boyfriend you still love.
6 Ways How to stop caring about your ex and not care about your ex.
This is the very first and important step to moving on from a relationship. You do need to get to this point mentally where you stop caring about your ex and/or do not care about your ex anymore. And by not caring we don’t mean being cold-hearted as a human being but rather not letting him leave rent-free in your mind.
Not caring anymore means that when you see his/her social media post with another person all cozied up, it doesn’t get you upset and worked up. You don’t sit holding and staring at your phone all day hoping they’d call you back and tell you how much they miss you. That is what we mean by reaching the point where you stop caring about your ex.
And to get to that point, this is how you do it.
① Have a self pep talk where you impress on yourself the need and importance to move on.
This has to be where it starts because until you reach the point in your mind where you stop caring about him/her, you won’t stop caring. You need to tell yourself that it is important to stop caring because staying fixated on them is stalling your growth and progress in other areas of your life.
And this is actually true. If you pay close attention to your productivity and focus when you are distracted by an ex that you care too much about, you will notice that they are in your every waking thought. Everything you see or think about has a way of going back to them and making you wish things could be different. And staying in this state cannot be good for you because other areas of your life need to grow. Importantly you need to grow and self-develop.
Impress on yourself that your ex is not the only human being on earth and that you will meet someone else who is also awesome. In these circumstances, it becomes important to have the mindset of the 6% in the chart at the introduction of this article, that is not fixated on the idea of a one true love.
At first, it would look or feel like an impossibility because of the hurt and pain of the breakup but hang in there, you can do it. Slowly and gradually, when you let your mind get reconditioned it becomes easier. Our article on How to remain positive in difficult times can also help you with more helpful tips on how to do this.
② List all the bad things he/she did that led to the break-up.
This always has a way of helping to give you the much-needed clarity and conviction why you need to move on from the relationship. When you start to list these things and go through them in your mind, it won’t be long before you start questioning why you feel the need to get back together with him/her.
This exercise particularly helps if the relationship was very rocky and filled with more low times than high points. It makes you realize the pain and hurt you walked away from and why it is for your benefit and in your best interests to leave things in the past where they belong.
And if you are still not sure, let our article on When should you give up on a relationship give you more reasons that would help you be sure.
③ Delete everything on your phone and social media accounts that would remind you about them and make it difficult to move on.
It is a known fact that when you leave the details of your ex on your phone or social media account even after a fresh breakup, it makes it extra difficult and near impossible to move on. You will find yourself always subconsciously clicking on all your loved up pictures and crying your heart out. Or you will find yourself opening their messages or opening up their number and almost dialing it or sending a long message about how you miss them.
And none of this helps you in reaching the point where you stop caring about your ex. And this is why the extreme measure of deleting every single reminder is the only solution. Once deleted completely, there is nothing to be tempted to go back to fixate on.
It would also help you if you stopped following them on their social media pages. This extreme step is very important if you still find yourself going back to their social media pages all the time just to see what they are up to and with who. Constantly doing this will obviously negate any efforts on your part to not care about your ex anymore. And so, once you see yourself doing this, immediately also unfriend them and stop following them. In that way, you also are not made to see notifications that may bring back hurt and pain and make it difficult to move on.
④ Talk to a trusted friend about your struggles and ask them to help keep you accountable.
Find a beneficial good friend that understands why you need to stop caring and move on from the relationship. This would usually be a friend who knew about your relationship and whatever the history accompanying the relationship is.
A problem shared is always a problem half-solved. When you talk about it with a trusted friend, the situation loses its power over you. And when you open up about the struggles you are having with moving on, your friend can help you by always keeping you accountable.
⑤ Keep yourself engaged with other helpful and very engaging activities and things that would keep you occupied.
Staying engaged with other things would help you not stay fixated on them. Being productively engaged would keep you focused or at least help with making you intentional about focusing on other things. It could be anything from signing up for extracurricular activities like cooking lessons, to taking on a new language class, or hanging out or traveling with your friends. Whatever works for you, get on it and get your mind off him/her.
And if you need help with ideas on what to do to keep busy, our articles on What to do after a breakup with boyfriend and 21 Things to do when single and alone have very helpful ideas for you to explore.
⑥ If it is not too soon for you, put yourself out there and start going on dates even if they are just several casual dates.
When you put yourself out there and start going out on casual no strings attached dates just for fun, it helps you realize that there are other amazing people out there you might be stopping yourself from noticing. When we stay fixated on an ex, we fail to realize that for every ex who leaves us, there are other amazing people out there who can replace them.
And that replacement does not have to come immediately or too soon. But by interacting with other people, you begin to realize that awesomeness exists outside of the ex who isn’t with you anymore.
And even if you don’t put yourself out there to start casually dating again, you can still have a wonderful time by yourself and be happy. You can also check out our article on How to stay single and be happy to see that this is possible.
Another related article you might like – Signs he misses his ex wife.
5 Ways How to act like you don’t care anymore and show him (or her) you don’t care anymore.
You want to know how to not care about a guy. You look forward to the day when your ex sees you happy and getting the satisfaction in knowing that their leaving you worked out for your happiness. And you want to show him/her that until that happens, you actually don’t care about them anymore.
Usually, when you reach the point where you stop caring by following the 6 steps listed earlier, it makes it a whole lot easier to reach the point where you show him you don’t care anymore without even trying too hard.
Once you’ve reached the point where you stop caring about your ex, here is how you act like you don’t care anymore and show him you don’t care anymore.
⑦ Do not make any contact with him under any circumstances.
This is very important because every time you make contact with him first, you tell him that you’re still hung up on him. And since this is not the message you want to be communicating to him, you want to keep communications with him non-existent. Even if your hands are itching to send that message, put your phone away or instead call a friend and tell them you are about to do something really unwise so that they help talk you out of it.
And this is why as we said earlier, it is best to delete everything about him from your phone. When you don’t have his number or social media pages, it makes it a whole lot easier to overcome the temptation to want to communicate with him.
⑧ Do not like or show any other activity on any of his social media posts.
In the event you decide that you would not unfriend him or stop following his social media posts, it is important that you never like any of his photos or comment on them. This is because he would also interpret your comment or like as meaning that you still fancy him and are hung up on him, even if it may not necessarily be the case.
Since you want him to see that you don’t care anymore, ignoring every social media post makes it clear that you could not be bothered about what goes on in his life anymore.
Should you decide to stay friends with him on social media, turning off notifications to his status updates would help greatly in not seeing those posts and pictures in the first place.
⑨ In the unlikely event he/she reaches out to you and sends you a message, do not give the message any priority.
Take at least a day or two before responding to their message. And there is a very important reason for this. He is counting on you responding quickly because he tells himself that you are still hung up on him and have been waiting for his message. And this is exactly what you communicate when you give his messages any priority and respond on time. And you don’t want this.
What you want is to tell him that he stopped being a priority as soon as he left the relationship. When you take your sweet time responding to any message he sends, that is the clearest message you can send that you do not care about him anymore or have any interest in what he has to say.
⑩ When you eventually respond, keep your answers very short to bring the conversation to an end quickly.
Don’t make any attempts to give more than one or two-word answers. Also, avoid the temptation of asking him any questions that would lead to the conversation lasting long. Rebuff any attempt by him/her to want to know what’s happening in your life. It is a subtle trap to want to draw you in and back to their net.
If he asks what’s going on in your life, there is nothing wrong with telling him that with respect it is not something you want to discuss with him. This communicates clearly to him that there is a boundary and you do not care about him anymore and would not want those boundaries crossed.
⑪ Do not save their contact details if they eventually do reach out as earlier stated.
This is especially important if the breakup is still recent and you are still trying to move on and have no interest in getting back together.
Even if you are hoping you get back together, do not save his/her contact just yet so that you are not tempted to always text them and appear desperate and needy. Let them be the one coming to you and trying to win you back, not the other way around.
4 Ways How to show him (or her) you moved on.
Reaching the point where you have finally moved on is where you ultimately want to get to after leaving a relationship. And this is especially important if you have no interest in getting back with him/her given the rocky relationship you may have had.
⑫ Follow steps 1 and 6 in the first section.
When you follow the 6 steps listed in the first section and consistently carry them out, you will eventually reach the point where you move on from the relationship.
⑬ Follow steps 7 to 11 in the second section.
When you couple that with the 5 steps listed in the second section and keep at it, he will get the message that you have moved on.
He will especially get the message if you ensure that you never communicate with him.
And for those cases where he decides to reach out to you, keeping your communications with him very short and brief and blocking off all attempts to want to get into your personal life, passes the message across.
⑭ Actively start dating again.
Dating again, especially when you have finally gotten to the point where you don’t care anymore, is the fastest way to move on.
However, do not date as yet if the new relationship is just a rebound. It may hurt you more to get into a new relationship if you haven’t first moved on from the old one. It is likely to hurt you because you would subconsciously and without realizing it always compare your new partner with the one you’re still hung up on. This would make it near impossible to see them for the awesomeness and difference they bring.
Rather work on moving on first, and once you have moved on, you can start dating again. This would help you enjoy the new relationship fully.
⑮ If and when your paths bump remain pleasant but distant and keep your interaction to the barest minimum.
This is likely to happen if you are in the same town and your town happens to be small or you are always in the same social circles.
It may even happen that you see him with a partner on some occasions. In this latter case, you still want to remain pleasant and distant because if you act otherwise, he would clearly see that he still has somewhat of a hold over you.
You don’t need to do more than say a pleasant hello and be on your way. Being pleasant and distant does not mean you have to stick around him to make small talk. A simple hello and I hope you are well, is more than sufficient social courtesy and etiquette, and you can be on your way.
Frequently Asked Questions.
1. How do I show my ex I don’t care anymore?
If you follow steps 7 to 15 listed in this article, you will show your ex that you don’t care anymore and that importantly you have moved on.
2. Is it OK to tell an ex that you miss them?
It is not advisable to do so. If you however must do so, read our article on Things to say to an ex boyfriend you still love for when it is okay to do so and how to go about it.
3. How do I stop caring about my ex anymore?
It won’t be easy but if you can consistently follow the first 6 steps listed in this article, you will reach the point where you stop caring about your ex anymore.
4. How do you find out if an ex still has feelings for you?
Unless you also still have feelings for your ex and are hoping to get back together with them, no purpose is served by wanting to find out if they still have feelings for you. If you however still want to know, our articles on 15 Signs someone is hiding their feelings for you and How do you know if a guy likes you secretly helps with all the clues and signs you should be on the lookout for.
Finally, when all is said and done.
Remember that the person to look out for all the time when a relationship goes south, is yourself. You want to be aggressive and intentional in the steps you take to move on and show your ex that you don’t care about him (or her) anymore. And this is why it is important to follow all the 15 steps listed in this article if you want to show your ex that indeed you don’t care anymore.
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