- Cold hearted people are generally that way for the 3 reasons we explain in this article. Why not read on to find out what they are.
- If you want to know if you are dealing with a cold hearted woman/man, look out for the 9 signs of a cold hearted woman/man listed in this article.
- To be able to handle cold hearted people so that they do not destroy you, we give you the best 2 strategies to adopt. Check them out in the last sections of the article.
Number of deaths from natural heat or cold, by month U.S. 2018. Source: Statista
Every year, people die from getting cold especially in peak cold seasons. And the above chart paints a rather graphic illustration of how bad the situation can get. But, that is not the type of cold this article deals with. The type of coldness or cold-heart discussed in this article has to do with the emotional and psychological type of coldness. We will be discussing and unraveling the cold and distant personality and how it works.
If you or someone you know however has challenges with the cold during peak cold seasons, why not check out our helpful article on Gifts for someone who is always cold for some helpful things you can use to stay warm.
What does it mean to be cold?
There are two senses/meanings to being cold. The first is the biological/medical meaning of feeling very cold and unwell. And where this is the condition the person is experiencing, it is advisable to seek medical attention as a matter of importance, to avert some of the deaths we see in the chart above.
The second sense of the word is psychological/emotional and the sense used in this article. Where a person is said to be emotionally cold or cold hearted, it means that they are emotionless and almost devoid of any feelings. If they had any, you can’t know or tell because their actions towards others are emotionless and devoid of any human feelings, emotions, and sometimes sympathy or empathy.
What makes a person cold hearted?
There are three possible reasons for being cold hearted.
1. Due to a medical condition.
Persons who have the medical condition known as the Autism Spectrum Disorder (“ASD”), especially autism, will be regarded as cold hearted because the condition makes them unfeeling to other people’s pain.
If you told an autistic person you were feeling pain, for example, they would not act as though you said anything nor would they give any show of emotions.
And when you see that, you will certainly feel the person is emotionally cold. Except that it is not deliberate; they just don’t know how to feel emotions because of the disorder.
If you are not sure if you or a loved one has autism, our helpful article on How to know if your child has autism has very helpful answers that you can check out.
2. As a result of traumatic and painful life experiences.
This is the chief reason why most people who are cold hearted became cold hearted. They have been hurt over and over again by other people due to their good-naturedness. For some, they may have even been swindled out of something they had because they were generous and sympathetic.
For others, it is as a result of trauma from their early childhood. They may have been abandoned by a parent or caregiver or treated badly by someone they thought would protect, care for, and nurture them. This in turn makes them generally disillusioned from life and being empathic or caring for other people because they simply never got the same treatment.
And thus, when that happens, as a way of protecting themselves from getting hurt again in the future, they become cold hearted as it were. In the case of such people, they were not cold hearted people but circumstances forced them to take on that persona to protect themselves.
3. By choice.
For others, they have seen being cold hearted as a way of life they enjoy. They see it as a way of feeling powerful and doing as they please with other people. For such people, being cold, calculating, and very manipulative comes very easily to them.
9 Signs of a cold hearted woman/man.
Knowing whether you are dealing with a cold hearted woman/man is important so that you also know how to act and deal with such emotionally cold people. Here are 9 sure signs of a cold hearted woman/man.
1. They are never interested in any other person’s welfare except theirs.
Emotionally cold people only think about themselves. The only orbit that exists is the one where they are the only ones spinning in it. Even when you are trying to have a conversation with them, the only person they want to talk about is themselves.
If perhaps you are sharing a terrible incident that happened to you or perhaps a problem you have, you will be shocked at how dismissive they would be in being quick to change the subject. They may suddenly remember something that happened to them. And before you know, the conversation is no longer about you and the challenge you have, but about them.
You will feel crushed and unheard. But guess what? It doesn’t move them. Being emotionally cold means they don’t care about how their actions hurt other people’s feelings or about how you feel. Hearing other people’s problems means they have to at least feign an interest in their welfare, and they don’t want to do that.
2. They only keep friends to manipulate them for their own benefits rather than for any genuine desire to be friends.
The friend of a cold hearted person is in trouble if they are also not cold hearted. The only people that can be friends with a cold hearted person and not be hurt by them is another cold hearted person. This is because they would both play the same game of manipulation and being a user with each other.
You on the other hand that is naive and unassuming will be a victim in their cold hearted web because when they agree to be your friend, they only do so because of the benefit they believe they would enjoy from you.
You may not realize at first that you are being manipulated and used until you start paying attention to their patterns and any attention they give to you. You will notice that almost all the time when they are nice, they always get something from you.
You won’t pay attention to this at first because they would be super nice and seem like they are good friends. Try to ask them to do something for you when they don’t want to, and you will notice they will decline (politely of course).
3. They have no qualms throwing a friend under the bus if it serves their selfish interests and gains.
Once a cold hearted person has gotten what they want from you, they don’t think twice about throwing you under the bus if this serves their selfish interests and gains. A cold hearted person will very easily trade their friend for any gain they believe they will make. Betrayal means nothing to them because the friendship was never a friendship, to begin with. All they see is people to use because they are emotionless and detached from connecting with people emotionally.
4. They are prepared to do whatever it takes to get ahead, even if it involves breaking the law and destroying someone else in the process.
A cold hearted person has no qualms with destroying another person if it means they get what they want or gain an advantage. These are the kinds that would do anything to get ahead in the world of work and climb the corporate ladder. They would destroy the career and lives of their colleagues if they need to. That is how cold hearted, calculating, and devious they can be.
5. They have zero regards for people’s boundaries.
For cold hearted people, they regard themselves as better than everyone else. This also makes them aloof and very proud. And because they feel that way, they don’t care about other people’s boundaries because they don’t believe anyone else apart from them should have boundaries. They will brazenly violate any boundaries without feeling bad about it because they are emotionally cold.
6. They never apologize when they are wrong.
And this comes as no surprise because of their emotional coldness/detachment. They don’t understand the concept of hurting people because they simply can’t process it. Their emotions have been shut off from feeling anything. When they are wrong, there is always a justification and explanation for it. For that reason, they won’t apologize, even when it is clear they are in the wrong.
If you’re dealing with someone like that, our article on What to do when someone won’t apologize has very helpful insights on what you can do.
7. They see nothing wrong with being rude, condescending, and insensitive to people.
Emotionally cold people usually say the most insensitive things because they are disconnected from emotions and how people generally feel and react. They are also usually given to being rude, disrespectful, and condescending in the way they deal with and approach people.
Our related article on What to do when people don’t respect you can help you with additional tips for dealing with someone who is like that.
8. They are cold and detached from people. It always feels like being around a wall when you are with them.
Emotionally cold people have cordoned off their emotions. For some, it is a coping and protective mechanism while for others it is part of their persona in being scheming and devious.
When you are around an emotionally cold person you don’t feel any real connection to them. It feels like there is a huge wall and there is no depth to your conversation and relationship with them.
Even when you try to bridge the wall by being warm and friendly, they shun you and act all standoffish and aloof. They don’t want anyone in because they know that opening themselves up to people would require them to be vulnerable. It would also require them to reciprocate the affection and be open towards acknowledging other people’s feelings. And these are two things they do not want to do.
9. They enjoy conflicts and bringing division among united people.
Emotionally cold people want everyone else around them to be as miserable and unhappy as they are. And so, when they see people who are united and happy, their cold hearts can’t stomach it. And so, they go out of their way to sow seeds of discord and division to tear happy people apart.
If you were having a great relationship with a friend or loved one and suddenly friction starts, trace the origin of when that friction started, and you may be surprised to find that a cold hearted calculating person posing as a friend is behind it.
Dealing with a cold hearted woman/man.
There are two best approaches to dealing with a cold hearted woman/man.
1. Keep them very far from you.
When it comes to dealing with a cold hearted person, distance is the best approach. You can be nice, caring, and loving to them, but do it from a distance. Don’t put yourself close enough to keep getting hurt by them because that is what will always happen. And if you keep getting hurt by them, before long, you too will become an emotionally cold person.
They are emotionless and will see nothing wrong with the way they treat you. And this is why the best thing you can do for yourself is to stay as far away as possible from them and remain civil and kind to them as much as you can.
It is important to remember that whatever might be the reason for their being cold hearted, you can’t fix them. And so, thinking that by staying close to them and trying to help them, you can “cure” them from their cold heartedness will only hurt you in the process.
Being cold hearted means they have deliberately chosen to detach their emotions and feelings in their dealings and interactions with other people. What this means for you is that despite your spirited efforts to want to love and be close to them, they will never let you in. They will keep manipulating and toying with your feelings until you too become like them.
2. As much as possible, don’t take their actions personally.
It is also important to remember that for some of these cold hearted people, they are that way because of bad experiences in their past. Now, this is not to excuse their behavior. But rather to say that this is why you should not take it personally.
In a way, this makes them pitiable. But not pitiable enough to stay close enough to keep getting hurt by them. When you see their cold hearted actions, shake your head in pity and walk away from them. Don’t take it to heart so that it does not affect your mental wellbeing. Once you shrug it off, move on, and keep them as far away from you as possible.
How to be cold hearted and emotionless.
There is no joy or benefit in being cold hearted and emotionless. It only brings misery and sadness. It is for that reason that we do not know how to tell you or suggest being cold hearted and emotionless. Asking for the recipe for being cold hearted and emotionless is asking for a recipe to poison.
If you are asking to be cold hearted and emotionless as a protective mechanism, you don’t need to go that far to protect yourself. All you need to do is to identify the things and people that hurt you and keep away from them.
There are so many other people out there filled with love that you can interact with. One or two bad experiences is not reason enough to want to shut yourself away from receiving and giving love to others around you.
Frequently asked questions.
- What is the aloof personality definition?
A person with an aloof personality turns their nose up at everyone else. They act very distant from everyone else. They tend to not listen when others speak and like only the sound of their voice.
They generally tend to feel like they are better than everyone else and that this gives them the right to turn their nose up at everyone else.
- How about cold hearted people psychology?
A cold hearted person also acts like an aloof person. They are emotionless and have no feelings. In their psyche, they are the only ones that matter and everyone else is not important.
- Why am I so cold hearted?
That is a very good question to ask yourself. Examine yourself and life against the 3 reasons we list in this article about why people are cold hearted, and see which ones could be the trigger.
Whatever the trigger point, always remember that cold hearted people are the most unhappy people alive because as humans we are made to feel. We are supposed to be emotional beings. Trying to turn off the emotions only makes one miserable.
Rather than turn off your emotions, find healthy and productive ways to channel them that do not involve having to be cold hearted and emotionless.
- How do I go about being cold to someone?
Being cold to someone may seem like the solution to your problem but it’s not. It is the same as taking poison and expecting it to affect someone else. No one should have that much power over you to decide the level of warmth and affection you should exude as a person. Rather than becoming like a cold person, keep them at arm’s length and remain your loving, cheerful self. Don’t let their miserable coldness also infect and affect you negatively.
Cold hearted people are one of the saddest and most miserable people alive. As human beings, we are made to love and care. We are made with emotions. Trying to be emotionless is trying to be inhuman and it never works. And because it is inhuman, that explains why cold hearted people display the 9 signs listed in this article.
Once you observe that you are dealing with a cold hearted person, the best thing you can do is keep a very safe distance from them to avoid their poison. And not take anything they do to heart.
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