Signs You Are Being Used by a Woman
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
- Let us tell you how to tell if a (girl, woman) is using you in this article by showing you the 7 signs you are being used by a woman in your relationship. We will also show you how to deal with a woman that uses you in your relationship, and how to stop being used by a girl in any intending relationship you want to embark upon.
Pretending and using one another in love relationships is not a new or unique problem. In the world of online dating, for example, people lie to use another to get benefits, especially financial benefits. In the world of online dating, this has come to be coined as Catfishing. According to one 2018 survey seen on Freebackgroundchecks (whose correctness we cannot speak to), this placed women as the highest catfishers online.
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Even though this problem is not new or unique, it still brings heartache. Nothing hurts or leaves a bitter taste in one’s mouth like being used by a woman in any relationship. This is especially so if you as the other partner is heavily invested in the relationship and very much in love. If this happens to be you, it will feel like a slap in the face feeling like you are being used by your girlfriend either for attention, clout, or anything else.
In this article, we will be showing you how to know if a girl is using you in your relationship, how to deal with a woman that uses you, and how to stop being used by a girl.
You may like this related article on What to do when your boyfriend lies to your face.
How to know when you are being used – 7 signs she is using you.
When you are being used in a relationship, something about the relationship feels off and you feel like you’re being used but at the same time feel like maybe it’s all in your imagination. Well, there’s no need to scratch your head anymore wondering if it’s all in your head. These 7 signs are how to tell if a (girl, woman) is using you in your relationship.
1. Your relationship is on her terms especially when it comes to the things she wants and the things you do in your relationship.
Do you notice that when you suggest a place for a date that may not be exactly expensive, she would frown at it and instead suggest a more expensive place? Or maybe she’s always frowning on your suggestions and never agreeing to any? Everything is always about what she wants and what she wants to enjoy or get out from you?
These are all classic user behavior and sadly you’re being used by a girl, in this case, your girlfriend. She’s using you to enjoy those things she wants but may not necessarily be able to afford or have by herself. And so, she sees you as her free meal ticket to get those things.
Couples’ hobbies and activities should always be a mutual and joint effort where the character of each partner is seen and felt. Where one of the parties wants to lord their interests, hobbies, and wants over their partner in a relationship, with little to no regard for their partner’s interests and wants then it is clear they are only after their selfish interests in the relationship. And being after one’s selfish interests is synonymous with being a user in a relationship.
2. She’s super nice only at the times she needs things from you.
When is she at her happiest? Is it usually when you buy her something nice? Or perhaps when she wants to have sex with you or ask you to do something for her? If your girlfriend is almost always in a sore mood or always ready to bite your head off any minute and only the happiest when she is getting something from you, sadly, she is using you.
3. She always wants to borrow something from you and rarely ever gives you anything.
How about when it comes to getting things from her? Is she always quick to say no when you ask her for anything, whether help or otherwise? And yet when it comes to her, she is always asking you to give her one thing or the other? Is she starting to feel like a liability or leech? Then sadly, she is using you.
The worst aspect of this behavior is that she does not want to help you when you need her help and that is completely unacceptable. She cannot be content with simply receiving all the time without wanting to give back and you should not have to stand for it.
4. She is not interested in your personal life or your welfare.
Does it feel like she’s never interested in learning about your likes and interests? And she is rarely ever concerned about your welfare? Everything she wants to ever talk about is about herself with little to no interest in what concerns you? That is also another sign she’s using you.
She is using you for her emotional gratification and welfare. She likely has no one else to get these from and so she turns to you because you are available. She is not in love with you but merely sees you as a crutch to be used to satisfy whatever needs she has when she wants you to be concerned about her life and welfare.
5. She rarely pays for anything in the relationship.
When you think about all your dates, outings, and trips in the relationship, who appears to shoulder the cost for all of it? Is it always you with no form of monetary contribution from her? This is sadly another indication that she is using you.
And the infuriating thing about the girlfriend who uses you in this fashion is that she has the tendency of always wanting to go for the most expensive items on the menu. Or if it’s a trip, she wants to stay in the most expensive hotels and fly business class on your account, and yet she makes no financial contribution in any form.
She sees you as her cash ATM to be milked for all she can get. This is unacceptable user behavior and one that you shouldn’t have to put up with.
6. She is very manipulative.
A girlfriend who uses her boyfriend will play all sorts of manipulative cards and games to ensure she keeps using him for whatever it is she is using him from. She will use emotional blackmail and every other trick in the book to try to have her way.
For example, if you refuse to buy her something that she wants, she will accuse you of not loving her. If it’s sex she’s using you for, the day you don’t feel like it, she will accuse you of not being interested because you’re having sex with someone else.
Whatever she has to say to get what she wants from you, she will say it.
7. Your relationship feels like it has no real depth.
This is the final sign she’s using you. Does it feel like your relationship is superficial and has no real emotional depth or connection? Maybe you are starting to feel more like sex partners than actual love partners. Then you are most likely being used by your girlfriend.
When a girl is using you, she is not invested emotionally in the relationship. Not only does she not take any interest in your life, but she also does not reveal anything of depth or substance about herself. She only tells you enough to get what she wants from you. And before long, you realize that she is not really telling you anything of substance. She is only telling you things that will allow her to use you.
No relationship can thrive for long where this is the state of affairs. It won’t be long before you start feeling alone in the relationship because you are the only one who is genuinely invested in the relationship.
How to deal with a woman that uses you.
How you deal with a woman who uses you in the relationship will ultimately boil down to and depend on how you feel about her.
Generally, women who use their boyfriends in relationships have no real feelings of love for the man. They are simply with him because of what he has and can give them. Once those things are taken away or gone, she will also disappear and find another man who can give her those things. And when this happens, it will leave you very crushed and heartbroken.
To prevent that from happening, you must take the following important steps before continuing to invest your time and emotions into the relationship:
1. Identify what it is she is using you for.
This is the important first step so that you know what you are taking action for. Know if she’s using you for money, sex, or influence to get ahead in her ambitions.
2. Temporarily withhold these things from her when she asks for them to see how she’d react.
Once you’ve identified what it is she is using you for, practice refusing her these things when she asks for them. And then watch how she responds or reacts. If she loses it and goes off the hinges then you have your answer that she is with you for that thing and is using you.
If she wasn’t using you, she would not become unreasonably upset but would instead respect your refusal and make her suggestions instead.
3. If she reacts badly or stops being invested in the relationship, have an honest but blunt conversation with her about it.
Once you see that she has reacted badly, have a heart-to-heart but blunt conversation with her. Come out plainly and ask her if what you have refused to give her is the reason why she is with you. She would most likely deny it. In which case you tell her or ask her then why is it such a big deal that you refused in that instance? Ask her if your relationship with her is solely dependent on you saying yes all the time.
And tell her that it is not the relationship you signed up for. Tell her that it is starting to feel like she is only in the relationship to use you for the things you identified. If she vehemently denies it then tell her that only her actions will convince you otherwise.
4. Watch her behavior and actions after your conversation to see if anything changes.
If she genuinely loves you and does not want to use you, her actions will change after your conversation with her.
But if she was only there to use you, she will only get angrier that you are refusing to continue to let her use you and she will become almost unbearable to be around.
5. Break things off if she still doesn’t change.
And once she’s made it clear that she has no interest in changing, the only best thing for you to do is to give up on the relationship and break up with her.
And the reason why it is in your best interest to do this is because no relationship can ever survive when one partner is a leech to the other partner. You will feel drained and resentful of her. And worst still, you are not getting any benefit from the relationship because you’re the only one giving and getting little to nothing back in return. It is not worth it.
Check out this related article on What to do after a breakup with boyfriend.
How to stop being used by a girl.
Relationships should be a two-way street of give and take where both partners are bringing in an equal amount of commitment and investment. Where one partner uses the other, it becomes lopsided and starts to feel like a draining relationship.
But you can avoid this from happening by taking some precautionary steps early on in the relationship before things become serious, to lay the foundation. This foundation will ensure that you stop being used by a girl in any relationship you embark upon.
1. If she never pays for anything when you go out on dates, occasionally ask her if she can pick the tab when you go out, or at least contribute to it.
This will tell her indirectly that you are aware of what she is doing and won’t stand for it. If she’s not using you, she won’t have any problem with it. In fact, a girl who is not using you will never always allow you to keep paying without at least offering to pay. But the one who is using you will never offer.
If she refuses to occasionally pay you can put a stop to going out on any dates for some time. If she takes issue with it, tell her that you have noticed or feel like she is using you as her free meal ticket and you do not want to be used in that way. And that until she wants to pull her weight in the relationship, you can’t keep dispensing cash like an ATM.
If she is serious about the relationship, she will change and start investing in it in that way. If she is not and was only there for the free ride, she won’t last long and will end the relationship. And this will be a good riddance.
2. If you feel she is using you for money and/or sex, often suggest fun couple activities that do not involve spending any money or having sex and see how she responds.
A girl who is suing you for any of these things will immediately overreact very badly and accuse you of not loving her enough. But don’t fall for it. Lovingly tell her that your love for her should not depend on you having to give her only these two things all the time. Also, tell her that you are starting to feel like she is only with you for these reasons and that you are not okay with it. That if she is not willing to commit to the relationship, you will have to break things off entirely.
3. If it feels like she doesn’t bring much to the relationship table, ask her to suggest fun couple activities that you guys can enjoy that doesn’t involve money or just about having sex.
If she can’t seem to suggest any, have a conversation with her about your concerns that she is not invested in the relationship. Tell her what your expectations are and the way forward for the relationship.
Frequently asked questions.
What are the signs she is using you for attention?
When she is using you because you have the advantage of giving her the attention she needs, she will always want to invite herself to all your functions. And then when at the function she will ignore you completely and go about sucking up to those she feels she wants their attention.
Am I being played by her?
A girl who is using you may not necessarily be playing you although she may play you if she stops getting what she is using you for. When you say a girl is playing you, we suppose you mean she is cheating on you with someone else.
If she’s getting all she needs from you, she won’t cheat on you or play you. But know that once she stops getting it from you, she will most likely turn to the next guy who will give it to her.
Girl uses me, what should I do?
If your girlfriend shows you all the 7 signs listed in this article that she is using you, follow the 5 steps we list in the second section of this article in dealing with her using you.
Always remember that a relationship where a girl is using you will not last long. If she is using you, she doesn’t love you. Once you stop giving her what she is using you for, she will move on to the next guy who can give her what she wants.
Once you notice any of the 7 signs you are being used by a woman, take the 5 steps listed in this article to protect yourself and your interests. You deserve to be in a relationship where you are not being used.
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