21 Worrying Signs He Misses His Ex Wife
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
- This article is for you if you’re asking yourself if your boyfriend or husband is still hung up on their ex wife (or girlfriend), and whether he still loves her and misses her.
- When you see any or all of the 21 worrying signs he misses his ex wife (or girlfriend) listed in this article, you need to look out for yourself to avoid getting hurt because he still loves her and can’t get over her yet. This article also gives you some helpful tips on how to do so.
How long do you think the feeling of love can last in a relationship? (U.S., 2019). Source: Statista
With the belief among as much as 77% of Americans that true love is meant to last a lifetime in a relationship (according to a 2019 survey of 1,021 American adults), it comes as no surprise that some people still cling to their ex wife or girlfriend, even if they may physically not be together anymore.
According to the same survey, about 8% of Americans essentially admitted to still being in love with their ex.
That is 8% of people that still miss their ex. And maybe your current partner (husband or boyfriend) falls in that category and you want to be sure that he is not still hung up on his ex wife or girlfriend.
And in case you are the one still hung up on your ex-boyfriend, check out our related article on Things to say to an ex boyfriend you still love.
Does My Husband (Or Boyfriend) Still Love His Ex Wife? Signs He’s Not Over His Ex Wife.
When couples have been together for a long time, it’s never easy for one or both of them to get over each other, especially where their love was deep and passionate. It’s one of our traits as human beings. We tend to latch on to love interests where we felt a strong connection that was more than an infatuation or lust.
In one survey which we found on Wzak, that website indicated that in a 2011 survey which they conducted among 1,000 adults, 71% of them in essence, admitted to still not being over their ex. As much as 36% even admitted that the shadow of their ex-wife still haunts and causes problems in their marriage with their current partner.
17 Breakup Statistics That Show We Aren’t Over Our Ex. (Survey of 1,000 people. U.S., 2011). Source: Wzak
We are in no position to comment on the accuracy or otherwise of these stats from Wzak, although one might ask if they are correct. Be that as it may, what the survey shows and which cannot be denied, is that there are people still hung up on their exes. The survey also shows certain worrying signs that your boyfriend or husband may still love their ex wife or girlfriend very much and are only using you as a rebound. Look out for these 21 worrying signs that he still misses his ex wife (or girlfriend).
1. Her mementos are still visible around the house.
Depending on how long they’ve been divorced or broken up for, there is nothing wrong perhaps one of her items was forgotten and is still in his house. But, if they’ve been divorced or broken up upwards of a year, and he still has her pictures visibly displayed around the house for all to see, then he still thinks about them and their time together.
If he is also still keeping pictures of both of them together visibly displayed in the house, it is an indication that he still loves her and misses her, or is perhaps still coming to terms with their separation.
It also has to be said that he is not being exactly respectful of you or your relationship if he still chooses to keep pictures of both of them together so visible in the house for everyone to see. By doing such, it is almost as if he is saying that your relationship with him does not as yet mean much to him
Having pictures of his children in the house is okay because they are his children and he will forever be connected to them. But pictures of him and his ex wife alone hanging around the house even when you’ve been together for some months is a definite red flag that he still loves her very much.
Related article: How to make my wife love me again after separation.
2. He talks to his ex frequently.
Occasionally staying in touch with his ex wife is to be expected if they have children together. They will need to maintain a certain level of civility and communication for the sake of their children.
But if he wants to use the topic of their children as an excuse to keep communicating with her and talking about other things that have nothing to do with the children, then that is a worrying sign. It means he still misses her and talking with her is his way of staying connected with her. In our article on Signs Your Separated Husband Wants You Back, this is one of the tell-tale signs that we list as showing that an ex-husband wants to reconcile with his ex wife. You should therefore be wary when you notice this.
If the ex is his girlfriend and they have no child together, it becomes questionable why he needs to talk to her frequently since they are no longer together. Why does he find it easy to talk to her frequently instead of using that time to talk with you and build your relationship? An occasional hi and hello is harmless, but if he’s talking with her every other day in the week, he is clearly still hung up on her and misses her.
3. He is talking to her behind your back and lying to you about it.
This one can be pretty annoying, especially if he lies to your face about it. Our article on What to do when your boyfriend lies to your face gives you some very helpful ways to handle him if you catch him lying to your face about talking to her behind your back.
4. He talks about her a lot in conversations.
It’s normal and okay if he makes some fleeting reference to her where the context of the conversation requires it. But if you can’t have a conversation without her name always coming up, be on the lookout. He may still not be over her yet and is constantly thinking about her. Talking about her all the time is not exactly what you want to be hearing from your boyfriend (or husband) all the time.
5. He compares you to her.
No woman wants to be compared to another woman because one of the qualities of a great boyfriend (which we also extensively discussed in this article on 25 Remarkable Qualities Of A Good Boyfriend), is his acceptance of you the way you are. Comparing you to her means he still hasn’t gotten over her and is expecting you to be her, and not you, and this is not okay. It is one of the things that should not be done in a relationship.
Sometimes, he may draw these comparisons as a compliment. Even in such circumstances, it is still not okay because he is seeing you through her eyes and not for who you are. Even if he compares you as a compliment, he is still hung up on her.
6. He gets jealous when she starts dating someone else.
Fleeting jealousy is normal especially if their divorce or breakup is still fairly recent. But if he dwells too long on it, broods over it, and gets unusually touchy about the fact that she’s moved on with someone else, it is a sign that he is still secretly in love with her and can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that she has moved on.
7. He still has many photos of them together on his social media and almost none of the two of you.
This is a big red flag regardless of the excuses he comes up with for it. One picture or two may be normal, but having an avalanche of pictures of both of them is not okay especially if the ones with both of you do not also feature as prominently. And here is why it is a red flag. Leaving those pictures for everyone else who knows him to see, tells them that he still considers her an important part of his life and that there is no one else. And since you are in his life, this portrayal is inconsistent with your presence in his life.
8. He clams up and gets defensive if you bring her up in conversations, or in some cases gets angry.
This is the opposite of always bringing her up in conversations. On the flip side, he may still be very hurt by the break-up and/or divorce that he never wants to talk about her, because it causes him hurt and pain on the inside, which he does not want to admit to you. Strong emotional feelings of any kind when her name is mentioned, whether it is anger or defensiveness, is a strong indicator that she still has a hold on him and he hasn’t completely let go of what he shared with her.
9. He hasn’t taken you home to meet the family if you’ve been dating for some time.
If you’ve been dating just a few months, it’s understandable that he hasn’t taken you home yet to meet his family because you’re both still trying to see where the relationship will go. But, if after at least a year of dating, he’s still dragging his feet on taking you home to meet the family, it may be because he is still entertaining a faint hope of getting back with his ex which he may have introduced to his family when they were still together.
And even if this may not exactly be his reason for not wanting to take you home to meet his family, this sign is still one of non-commitment to the relationship because when a guy is committed and sees you as a long-term relationship, he will take you home to meet his family.
10. He mistakenly calls you by her name at rather odd and sometimes very intimate moments.
If he calls her name when you’re passionately making love, run for the hills. That is the height of being stuck on an ex wife or girlfriend because it means that the whole time you think he’s connecting with you, he is thinking about her.
If you’re sleeping together and you suddenly hear him call out her name in his sleep, this is also worrisome because it means that he thinks about her so much even when he is sleeping.
The presence of any of these occurrences or even always mistakenly calling you by her name is a clear sign that his ex wife or girlfriend still has a stronghold over him and he is far from getting over her. It is advisable to give up the relationship where this happens so that he can truly process the break-up and how he feels about her. Sticking around will only bring you a broken heart and deep hurt that isn’t worth it.
11. She’s the only ex he always talks about.
There’s nothing wrong if your boyfriend sometimes uses some of his exes to illustrate a point during a conversation. But if there is one ex he always singles out to talk about more than the others, he still thinks about her, and this is why she’s the only one he talks more often about.
12. Almost everything reminds him of her.
This will almost invariably happen if he was with his ex wife or girlfriend for a very long time. This does not however excuse the fact that he is still hung up on her and most likely still in love with her.
13. He’s still very close to her family.
The family members of our partners are always the casualties and collateral damage of an intimate relationship coming to an end. But, if he is still very close with her family, it is an indication that he may still entertain some hope that by staying close with them he will stay connected to her. And this means he still misses her and the connection they had.
14. They hang out too much for comfort.
Unless your partner has a child or children with their ex wife or girlfriend, there is no reason for them to hang out exclusively for long periods. If he’s always hanging out with her too much for comfort, it is a sign that he is still very much in love with her.
15. He’s checking out her social media pages a little too much for comfort.
If her posts occasionally pop up on his Facebook feed there is nothing wrong with that. But if he makes it a point to always check out her profiles and stalk her on social media to see what she’s up to, he’s still not over her yet.
16. He makes her a priority over you.
If one call from her has him pulling out all stops and jumping over all high mountains just to make her happy, and yet he doesn’t do the same for you, this is another cause for concern.
This is to be distinguished from when he has to help her with the children if they have children together. In such instances, he is going all out for his children, and that’s a good thing.
But if it has nothing to do with the children and everything to do with just helping her and keeping her happy and in some cases making her feel special, and yet this is not a priority he gives you, it is a worrying sign that he is still in love with her.
17. He still confides in her more than he does to you.
The woman a man is comfortable with confiding in says a lot about how strongly he feels about her. Men generally confide in women they love and feel comfortable being vulnerable with. If the woman he does this with is not you but his ex wife or girlfriend, he is still in love with her.
18. He often asks about her indirectly from other close friends.
If he has truly moved on, he has no reason to keep tabs on her. But if he feels the need to always go out of his way to find out about her wellbeing from close friends, it is a worrying sign that he misses his ex wife or ex-girlfriend.
19. He is having a hard time committing to the relationship.
There are several reasons why men have a hard time committing to a relationship, but the number one culprit is always an unresolved feeling of love for an ex. When a man has moved on completely from an ex and is ready to settle down with someone else, he has no problems committing to the relationship.
20. The only places he ever wants to go are places he used to go with her.
It’s okay for you and him to still have coffee in that great coffee shop that he always went to with her. But if the only places or things he ever wants to try out are those places and things he did with her and he isn’t open to trying out other places that you suggest, you should watch out. He’s probably reliving his memories of their time together in those places, through you.
21. He’s always looking for excuses to hang out with her.
If they have children together, they will be in each other’s lives often. But if even on days he is not meant to see the children he still wants to see them because it would mean seeing her too, then it is a worrying sign that he misses his ex wife or ex-girlfriend.
When all is said and done, trust your gut instinct. If your instinct is telling you that something just doesn’t feel right and that the shadow of his ex wife (or ex-girlfriend) is still looming uncomfortably over your relationship, it is most likely the case. A woman’s instinct when it comes to these things is rarely wrong, so trust your instinct and protect yourself.
Related article: How to reconcile with ex wife after divorce.
What Do I Do If He Still Loves Her?
One thing you should be aware of which you probably don’t want to hear is that for some people, it is possible to have feelings for two people at the same time. It may (or may not) shock you to know that in a 2009 survey of 2,000 American adults, 43% admitted that at some point in their life, they have had feelings for two people at the same time.
Do you think you could be in love with one person and have a crush on someone else? (United States, 2009). Source: AARP
What this sadly means is that your boyfriend or husband may genuinely care deeply for you, but at the same time, he’s still in love with his ex wife (or girlfriend) and misses her.
This does not however mean that you have to put up with it just because of this statistic. Your heart and protecting it from getting hurt is paramount. So if you see any of these 21 signs, here is what you need to do.
1. Confront him about it.
Present your facts and why you feel he is still in love with his ex wife or girlfriend. If it is the fact that he mistakenly calls you by her name or even moans her name when you’re making love or in his sleep, or is still checking her out, whatever it is, confront him with all of it.
2. Make it clear that you’re not okay with it.
He needs to know that it hurts you and that you find it unacceptable to be strung along when it seems like he’s clearly not over his girlfriend.
Related article: What to say to someone who cheated on you.
3. Tell him your terms of continuing with the relationship if you still want to give it a chance.
Whether your terms are that he should stop talking with her entirely or delete her photos from his Facebook profile, make it clear and succinct what it is you want moving forward.
4. If he still doesn’t change, suggest a break from the relationship to allow him to assess his feelings and decide on what exactly he wants and where he sees you in his future.
This is important because if he is finding it difficult to change the things that make you uncomfortable, it means he is not even sure if he feels very strongly about you enough to make those changes.
5. Stay friends while on the break but keep a healthy distance from him.
This will help give you the clarity and perspective you need. It may be hard, but you need to try your best to ignore him and not communicate as often as possible with him. If you want him to realize how miserable he would be without you in his life, only by your active and deliberate absence will you achieve that.
6. Do not make excuses for him.
You are not his therapist or crutch. He should not have to use you as a rebound when he clearly isn’t over his ex wife or ex-girlfriend. The right thing to do when you’re still in love with an ex is to take time to heal and process the breakup before moving on with somebody else. That is what he ought to do, rather than start a relationship with you when he hasn’t moved on. And you must always remind yourself of this and not make excuses for him.
7. Don’t stay because you’re afraid of being single and alone.
Love and care for yourself enough to know that being in a relationship should not be the determiner of your happiness. You are better off being single and happy than being in a relationship where you’re miserable and hurt because your boyfriend doesn’t love you in the same way that you love him. It is very easy to start to feel like the other woman in your relationship because he still loves her.
Save yourself the heartache and leave the relationship if it is clear that he is not getting over her any time soon.
Frequently Asked Questions.
- How do you tell if he’s not over his ex wife?
If you see him show any of the 21 signs in this article, then you should know that he is not over his ex wife.
- How do you tell if he still loves his ex?
These 21 signs are also indicators that he still loves his ex.
- How long does it take a man to get over his ex wife?
There is no set in stone time for a man to get over his ex wife. It will depend on the man and the length and nature of his marriage with his ex wife. Longer marriages where they were both deeply in love take longer to get over, whereas shorter marriages take a relatively shorter time. But again, all of these will depend ultimately on the man in question.
- What does it mean when your boyfriend misses his ex?
It means that he misses their times together. And even if he may not think to himself that he doesn’t want to get back together with her, missing her means he is certainly thinking about her a lot.
- How do I know if my boyfriend is still in love with ex wife?
If your boyfriend shows you any of the 21 signs listed in this article, then know that he is still in love with his ex wife.
- How do I know if he’s over his ex?
These 21 signs will tell you if he’s over his ex or not.
Getting over an ex wife is not easy. This does not however mean that you should have to put up with a partner who is still in love with his ex. It is better to give him the distance to process his feelings from the break-up with his ex if he shows you any of the 21 signs he misses his ex wife listed in this article.
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